Redemption

She'd done it all.

Her whole life.

Read her Bible.

Prayed.

Memorized Scripture.

Sent money to the missionaries overseas.

Asked God to forgive her for every wrong.

Dressed right.

Never used bad language.

So why the emptiness inside?

Why the feelings of inadequacy, the feeling of never being enough?

-not kind enough

-not smart enough

-not talented enough

-not spiritual enough

just.not.enough.

She struggled too, with judging people. Except, she didn't call it struggling...or judging.

After all, she knew how a person ought to dress. 
She knew that following Rules #1, 2 and 3 always produced Results #4, 5 and 6.

Most people either got what they deserved, or just didn't know how they ought to live.

Her heart didn't break for the lost.

In fact, she didn't really want to enter into their messy world and contaminate herself. 

She was kind of ashamed to admit it, though.

Jesus himself had sent His disciples into all the world.

Who was this "world" anyway?

Was it her ungodly neighbors whom she'd never met?

Was it the people who spent their weekends making decisions they'd later regret?

Was it the people who didn't hold themselves to the same standard of perfection as she did?

And then one day, God gently entered her perfect world and turned it upside down.

It started innocently enough. 

She'd been praying to go deeper with Jesus.

She also had an encounter which began a real friendship with someone outside her cultural boundaries. 

Someone who was so very different from her.

Someone who was just so full of Jesus that it poured out into their conversations, their messy lifestyle, their everyday, mundane moments.

She began to ask questions.

Questions she'd been trying to ask her entire life, but kept stuffing them down, for they were too dangerous.

How could her friend be so full of Jesus but not follow "the rules"?

She asked God to show her His heart

-His heart for people.

To see people the way He saw them.

And bit by bit, God stripped her of all her beliefs, rules, and guidelines. 

He tore away the security of always knowing the right answer to every question.

 He took her to a place where her only answer was Jesus.

Her reputation took a huge blow, too.
 She had known love, acceptance, and approval everywhere she turned. 

But as God changed who she was on the inside, the outside began to change too.

People turned away.

A few stayed around, but most people didn't know what to do with he new her.

She began to see her nasty, stinking pride for what it really was.

No longer did she live to protect her crazy perfect image.

Now she was living for the approval of Jesus, and Him alone.

Did she get it right all the time?

Certainly not.

She fell and stumbled a lot.

When she was flat on her face, in her old pit of selfishness and arrogance, she would hear Jesus softly say, "I love you, daughter. I always have."

And His grace would gently pick her up, brush off the dirt, and set her back on her feet again.

She loved sitting outside at night and watching the stars.

She'd be so overwhelmed that the Creator of the universe cared about her!

She talked to Him about everything, for now, it wasn't a prayer time to be crossed off a to-do list, but a relationship to experience.

It didn't need a start time or a stop time.

Conversations with Jesus flowed through her day as easily as breathing.

Life didn't necessarily get easy-

it just changed from a production she had to "act" in to a life she could "live" in.

She was now free to love others without judgment,

 without having to be right every time, 

without proving herself.

The love and gratitude she felt towards her Savior flowed out of a heart that had been set free,

not a heart bent on performance.

She knew Jesus wasn't done writing her story.

There would be hard things in the future.

But now she was able to thank Him for the deeply painful parts,
 for truly, those experiences were the springboard for the rest of her life.

She had needed those encounters with people outside her cultural boundaries,

she had also needed the mind-numbing pain when Jesus stripped everything familiar away,

as well as the intense pain of pruning, rejection, and questions. 

Without that, she would never have found the freedom and joy she experienced today.

Today she can walk with a light in her eyes, 

a fire in her soul,

 joy in her steps, 

and purpose and meaning in each day.

Because of Jesus!

Hello, 2017

Who is God and what does He want from me?

I know, deep in my heart, that all God really wants is a relationship with me. He longs to be first in my life, to walk with me, talk with me, every day of my existence. And really, that's what I want to, if I'm honest.

But so much of life comes crowding in, screaming at me from all directions. Yes, I'm a wife, a pastor's wife, a mother, I home school my kids, I love people, I'm involved in youth ministry, and on any given day, I have a hundred or more jumbled thoughts pressing deep on me- 

I cry out to God for broken relationships, for young people to truly know Him, for my own precious children to find Him to be their everything, for my husband to have the courage and wisdom to lead well, for my church and it's needs, for the lost and broken around me, for my own self- to allow the love of Jesus to pour out of me, to rid myself of me and my selfish desires. 

But maybe God doesn't just want my requests, my 911 calls. Maybe He wants something greater. Maybe what He really wants is my worship, my heart. In the midst of loving, serving, and caring about people, I don't want to miss the most important thing.

I want Jesus to be my enough, my cup filled up, my desires fulfilled, my dreams come true, the air I breathe, the inspiration and encouragement to get me through each day. 

I want to hunger for Him like a starving child hungers for food. Food is the only thing they can focus on and it consumes their entire being. That's what I want. I want to feel the ache in my soul that can never be satisfied any other way, but through Jesus alone.

So Jesus- here's my 2017. I have no control over the events of the year ahead. Whether it be feast or famine, trials or joys, valleys or mountains; I release all of it into Your capable hands and I yield myself to You. You know exactly what You want to do in my heart this year. And truly, that's what I want too.

*all photos from our family trip to Lake Michigan July, 2016

Jesus Is Enough

I looked into her eyes and asked, "So how are you really doing? Is Jesus enough to see you through?"

With tears in her eyes, she said, "Yes, yes, He is."

I was visiting with one of 'my' girls, from the youth group that Leon and I helped lead for 3 years. After small talk about our lives, I asked this personal question. Her answer made me cry happy tears.

I had to think of a quote I have hanging by my kitchen sink-

"We are women 

who make our lives about the cause of Christ

not the applause of men

Who live to express the Gospel

not to impress the Jones'

Who live not to make our absence felt

but to make Christ's presence known."

                  -Ann Voskamp

It has nearly ripped our hearts out to leave these precious youth. There are many times that we've second guessed our decision. But we keep coming back to the obedience thing- when God asks you to do a thing, you must do it. And so we had to leave.

These youth are left to adjust, wade the waters, and make sense of  the confusion on their own.

I often think back to our mission trip last summer to Costa Rica and Nicaragua with these young people. We experienced a neediness for Jesus that few had experienced before. There were times when it seemed like we were completely out of options, and then Jesus would miraculously come through for us.

Over and over and over again.

As Leon and I continually commit these young people to Jesus, we remind ourselves that Jesus does not need us to do His work in their hearts. And we find rest in that.

So if you are facing loss, or difficult circumstances, remember this-

only Jesus can meet your needs. And truly, He is all you need.

I've Been Thinking......

...about marriage.

 Marriage has been around for ages. Everywhere you look, you can see married folks. However, I have discovered it is much harder to find a GOOD marriage.

When Leon and I were dating, we'd love to watch people at restaurants. We watched how they would talk to each other, how they would look at each other, and then we'd try to guess if they were dating or married, and for how long. Of course, we never knew if we were right but it was fun to observe. 

After we got married, and started having children, I used to wonder, on those rare dates out,  if anyone was watching us. There were times when it was such a relief to be alone and my Mommy-brain completely froze over and I just wanted to be quiet and enjoy the delicious food that I didn't have to cook. I was pretty sure we didn't look like the starry-eyed couple that was forever in love. But I didn't really care, because I knew the man across the table from me was still crazy about me and this stage couldn't last forever.

Anyone can get married, and have an average marriage. But let's not settle for average! God has so much more for us than mediocre.

I find it interesting that Jesus set up marriage as the very best example of Christ and His Bride, yet so many Christians have a marriage that is anything but an example of that relationship.

Trust me-I know a good marriage takes work. We just celebrated 15 years of marriage in August, and these 15 years have not been a walk in the park. Leon often says, 'The person you love the most also has the potential to hurt you the most." And it's true. 

We were one of the fortunate newly-weds in that our first year wasn't full of huge misunderstandings and mis-communications. We dated for a year and a half before we got engaged and a year of that time we were 1000 miles apart. After a 4 month engagement, we were married. 

When our marriage hit its hardest times was when we were smack in the middle of having babies. 4 children in 6 1/2 years to be exact. I still am a big fan of having your kids close together, but it takes a toll on your marriage. We got lost somewhere in the middle of it all. 

One day, soon after our youngest was born, we realized that if we didn't start putting a lot more into our marriage, it would soon fall into the big heap of mediocre marriages. The following days I remember vividly....we cried many tears, we prayed, we talked and talked and talked some more.....and we struggled through that yucky season of our lives. 

What came out of that was beautiful. Our trust, though slow in coming, was stronger than ever before. We looked at each other again with stars in our eyes. We got our love back, so to speak.

Our marriage has gone through many rough spots since that time. I would be lying to tell you that it has been easy. Just this past year we have walked some deep waters, and in times like that, it is really easy to focus on the hard stuff, and let other very important things fade into the background.

Do we have any tried and true secrets to share? Not really, but there are several things that really stand out in our story personally. 

Several years back, Leon began a journey of growing in his relationship with Jesus like never before. The first thing I noticed, after him poring over his Bible and talking about Jesus all the time,  was the way he started treating me. He's always been a kind and loving husband, but this falling in love with Jesus thing took our relationship to a whole new level.

Just this summer, I felt like we misunderstood each other all the time. There were times when it honestly felt like we were speaking different languages. One day when I was feeling especially frustrated, I realized that Leon is not the enemy. He's not the problem, really. Satan has been trying to wreck marriages since, well, since Adam and Eve, and he's done a pretty good job of it. After that realization, I began to do battle for my marriage- to fight against Satan. It made a huge difference.

You've heard this 100's of times, I know, but it cannot be over-emphasized. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a good marriage! Our kids know that we are crazy about each other and at least one of them has starting rolling his eyes at us, while the others yell things like, "Kiss, kiss!" or "Dip her!" 

Just recently I heard of another failed marriage of an acquaintance of mine, and my heart broke just a little more. But what grieves the heart of Jesus more? A divorce, or an un-loving marriage that does not exemplify Jesus?

I am passionate about good marriages that glorify Jesus! I pray that we as Christians would not settle for an average marriage, but that our marriages would truly be a beautiful picture of Jesus and His Bride.

                                            (Just us- celebrating 15 years!)

Just Me and My Thoughts

I feel dangerous tonight...like maybe I shouldn't be left alone.

Don't call 911 just yet. Let me explain.

Several days ago I blogged. Before I hit publish, I had my husband proof read it. He said it was too, umm, what was the word, raw? I am grateful for his wisdom. It now sits neatly in my Drafts. Maybe you'll see it someday, maybe you won't.

My mind has truly been a whirlwind lately. Sometimes the best way for me to clear my mind is to write.

Recently I explained to my teenage son the way a woman's brain functions versus a man's brain. He thought it was funny. Sometimes my husband finds it funny too; other times it can just be really frustrating.

So let's see, just this week alone, I contemplated the exciting and scary adventure called high school that awaits us just around the corner, I counseled my daughter on the importance of taking your anger to Jesus instead of taking it out on others, I advised my son that if he teased his sisters one more time, well, he didn't even want to imagine what the consequence would be, I explained to a struggling child how I understand the stage of these tough growing up years and how the most important thing to remember is that God loves you and Mom and Dad love you, I banned the use of electronics for an entire 3 hour block, I sent the second grader to the principal's office, (only to hear her sister say, "I would do ANYTHING to get sent to the principal!) and I taught my son, who's as big as me, how to fold a blanket.

I reminded my children to empty the dishwasher, burn the trash, MAKE THE BED, put away their shoes, stop teasing each other, stop laughing at her, and just STOP looking at her altogether!

I messed up more times than I can count, felt like I deserved the Bad Parent Award and have perhaps messed up my children enough to make a counselor cry.

But my mind is still a whirlwind and sometimes I just want to.stop.thinking.

If I had a "man-brain", could I just shut all the boxes and think "nothing"?! I know someone like that. :) I envy him.

I want to be a prayer warrior, an encouraging friend, and able to speak truth in love to those around me. I want to be sensitive to other's needs, and sensitive to the Holy Spirit's nudge to be obedient to whatever He asks me to do.

I want to love people like Jesus loves people. I want to be that listening ear, trusted friend, that many long to have.

But this week, I've struggled to just be.

And once again, God has gently reminded me that it's okay to 'take a break' because of our own pain. It's okay to sit back and let someone else do the loving, the encouraging, even the praying, for a time.

I want to just lean in hard on Jesus, and He will gently heal the hurt. I know He will. And someday I'll look back on this season of my life, and I'll remember the pain. I'll also remember the promise, and the Hands that never let go.

I read something this week in Jesus Calling that I just had to highlight:
 "I did not design the human mind to try to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes, and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace."

And so tonight, I will sleep peacefully in the arms of My Abba Father.

Trust {no matter what}

Somehow, when I was in my early twenties, and living my life, I looked loftily upon the almost 40 year olds around me, and thought that when I get to be their age, I would certainly have life figured out. I mean, I already knew a lot, and give me another 15-20 years, and I'd pretty much have a handle on knowledge.

Call me arrogant, or naive, (I'll own up to both) but I really did think that way down deep.

Well, hello. Here I am. Staring 40 in the face and feeling like there are so many, many things I don't know. So many things I don't have figured out. Somehow that doesn't start a panic attack like I thought it might. Because I think I've figured out some basic truths, and I'm learning more and more about God's Father-heart towards His children, and somehow, that is enough.

The last several years have been rich. Rich in learning, learning so much more about Jesus than I ever knew before. And with that learning comes the realization that, the more I learn, the more I have to learn and how little I actually know.

These years have been rich in relationships. Not with the kind of friends that know every detail of your physical life, like how many quarts of green beans you canned, or how your child lost his new shoes, but the kind of relationships that care for your heart. I am so blessed to have friends who pray for me, who ask me how I'm doing, for real, and who share words of encouragement with me.

The past several years have also been filled with pain. Deep, aching in my heart. Strained relationships, disappointments, longing for other's to experience freedom and unconditional love.

Recently, I was in a discussion with someone and the subject of breaking habits and living victoriously came up. I was asked for ways to do this. I sat and thought. My mind flashed back to years ago when I would've had a formula figured out at the snap of my fingers. It was different this time. I sat and waited and I heard God say to me, "It's not so much about the Doing, as it is about the Knowing." The words I said to my friend were not my own. I shared the deep unconditional love of Jesus. I encouraged this person to fall in love with Jesus. That in itself would change his appetite. I also spoke of Grace, and not trying to earn our way into a close relationship with Jesus. I don't know if my friend 'got it'. But I do know that as long as I have breath, I will share about these two truths to everyone I can.

And now, somehow this is all supposed to have what?! to do with my title.....

pardon the bunny trail..... :)

my words for 2015 are Trust, No Matter What.

In the midst of one of the most difficult situations I have found myself in yet, I know that God is clearly saying to me to Trust Him, no matter how I feel, no matter what the future holds, no matter if everything comes crashing down around me, Trust. That's all.

....there is a plan and there is a purpose

and there is a God in Heaven who didn't

just ink you onto the palm of His hands

but etched your name right

into Himself with nails and

He hasn't just got your number,

He's got your heart.

He sees you, hidden in Him,

and you aren't ever forgotten

because God can't forget those right in Him.

because God's writing your story and

He never leaves you alone in your story, and

His perfect love absorbs all your fear

and His perfect grace carries

all your burdens.

and your story is a happily ever after

because Christ bought your happily ever after

so you always know how this story ends.

You're going to be okay.

                       -Ann Voskamp

A Little Girl and Her Daddy

"Daddy, I can't sleep."
"Why not?"
"I'm just so scared."
What are you scared of?"
"I'm scared I'll do something bad, and then Jesus won't let me go to heaven."

This is how the conversation started. And the little girl's Daddy told her about Grace, about how Jesus knows if we truly want to serve Him in our heart, and about how much Jesus loves us. He told her how much Jesus loves scared little girls. Her Daddy talked about fear. He told her the story of Elijah, hiding after the prophets of Baal had all been killed, hiding because he was afraid. Her Daddy told her that when we are afraid, it's really hard for Jesus to use us. Her Daddy held her in his arms. She felt safe, secure, loved, and best of all- her questions were answered.

The next morning this little girl came bouncing into the kitchen for breakfast. Her eyes were shining as she told me about her long talk with her Daddy the night before. She told me how she doesn't have to be afraid anymore.

Now she spends afternoons writing out favorite Scriptures and giving her Daddy and I our own personal handwritten copy of our favorite verses. 

She's free to love, free to live.

I can't help but remember. Remember the many, many nights I lay awake begging God to forgive my sins. I would name every sin I could remember committing, since the last time I had asked for forgiveness. Finally, in desperation, I would plead, "God, forgive all the sins I committed, even the ones I can't remember." Then I would finally fall asleep, only to repeat this pattern many more times.

The burden of my sins, of my mistakes, the guilt, the shame- I carried it for years. 

But then I turned to my heavenly Daddy, and He held me, and told me how much He loves me. He told me that He paid the price, once and for all. He told me about His unconditional love. He showed me His scars- the physical reminder of the sacrifice He made. 

And I slept in His arms that night. 

Morning came..... my heart was full of joy. Not because the days spread before me were easy, or because I had suddenly achieved perfection. No, I was full of JOY because now I was free. Free to live, to love, to be the person Jesus created me to be. Free to live without condemnation for my past.

Perfect love casts out fear.

Thank you, Jesus!

The Warrior

you seem so strong,
fighting along,
through battle after battle.
you encourage the weak,
give words to the speechless.
you lift the hands that hang down,
help the brother to go on,
fight on your knees for them all.
and everyone says you're so very brave, 
but I know.
I know where your strength comes from.
I see you wrestle through the long, lonely nights,
begging for God to stop the pain.
I hear you say, whisper it low,
I'm not superman.
and the questions and fears
you say through your tears,
nobody hears but God.
but He gives you courage 
to fight like a man, 
and hold your shoulders high.
and He never fails to come when you call,
and fills you with His strength alone.
And that is enough,
when everything falls,
to know that God's on your side.
He's writing your story,
and He's not finished yet,
and you already know Who wins.
so continue the battle, 
though it's fierce and it's hard,
God's not leaving you now,
and His strength is enough,
for the days that you face,
and someday He'll call you home.
as you rest in His arms,
and hear Him say, welcome,
you'll know,
the fight was totally worth it.

When Life Stinks, God is Still Good

Lately life has felt like one of those spinning tea cups at the Iowa City Park. Seriously, if I list all the bad, I shock even myself.

• our lead pastor resigned at church
• my electric knife quit
• my stove totally kicked the bucket
• our van's back door stopped closing correctly
• we had a water leak in our upstairs bathroom, totally unknown to us, and it seeped under the floor, until the ceiling sagged and came down in the downstairs bathroom, so for the last 3 weeks, we only use the upstairs shower
• the dryer had a frightening noise every time it started
• the porch railing completely fell apart and we had to wait an extra 2 weeks for the new posts to come in and then we had to wait another 2 weeks for it to get repaired
• the electric guys decided our open trenches waiting for them to put in underground lines were no big deal, and so we have had a portion of our yard torn up for weeks and weeks now
• the chicken house building project continues and keeps adding various stress to my dear husband
• Leon has spent hours and hours in the combine this fall, and I totally felt like a harvest widow
• I got the sorest throat I've ever had in my life and felt sick for over a week
• our two adorable baby kitties both died due to our naughty puppy's antics

But unless you should even squeeze out the tiniest bit of sympathy for me, let me be the first to tell you that God is good. And we are incredibly blessed. I don't think it was a coincidence that in the last several months I read an amazing book  called Face to Face With Jesus. Hearing her tell her personal story of being a Christian in the middle East was completely thought-provoking! I am so thankful that the same Jesus who performed countless miracles on her behalf, is the same Jesus I serve. And He's doing miracles right here in America, too. I also read The Hardest Peace.  Wow! What an incredible story of a mother of 4, dying from cancer unless God does a miracle, and how in the hardest places we find peace. I was inspired and encouraged so much- to live each day intentionally, and to just be kind to my children. We admire people who have gone through intense difficulty and come out with an amazing Jesus story. But I want the Jesus story without the pain. I'm forgetting that the deepest peace comes out of the deepest pain.

I told Leon recently that I just want the hard to stop. He reminded me that as long as we have life and breath, we are engaged in a battle. We can fight with our arms hanging down, or we can fight like the warriors God has called us to be. It's true. We are never promised easy. We are promised that God will be with us. And it's Him living in us that makes all the difference. He lives through us, wins our battles, and fights for us. But we can't walk around in defeat.

A lot of my list of hard stuff at the beginning of this post is so, so trivial. First world problems. I would be lying to say that I took each new 'broken' piece in stride. But that stuff cannot take my peace. My peace does not come from my circumstances all being honky-dory. My peace comes from the One who holds everything in His hand.

My husband fixed the electric knife, the van, and the dryer, and the bathroom is still an on-going process, our youth group blessed our socks off and gave us a monetary gift to replace the stove, the porch and trenches are out of my control so I may as well not fret.......and harvest is OVER for this year!!!

We had a lot of HAPPY mixed into this tough stuff.

One Sunday we just took the day off- for us. We had a special meal at a Mexican restaurant, hiked and took photos at the reservoir, and came home and watched a movie.

We had a couple family game nights sprinkled in too. We took advantage of every rain that kept Leon out of the field.

And there are always good books to read....

Brooklyn is learning how to read like a pro-

We enjoyed the baby kittens for a short time.

We took the day off of school and toured the Herbert Hoover Museum.

Here we're posing after a Sunday afternoon run-

 This is how Leon feels sometimes when the women in his house get crazy!

And this is how certain family members eat their caramel dip.

God is good! All the time. God is good!

Building Faith In Our Children

{Last February I was asked to share at our local MOPS on this subject. Today I'm blogging some of those thoughts.This is geared towards moms of young children}

Some years ago, my husband and I made some decisions for our family that were met with a lot of resistance from some people. I heard over and over again about the dangerous path we were on and what it would do to our family. Doubt and fear crept in and I cried out to God repeatedly to show us if we were making a mistake. You know you hear from God on a matter, but sometimes you start to question, especially if it calls you out from the comfortable, and soon, you are starting to wonder if you heard right. This was the case.

We were in the middle of harvest, and I have such a love/hate relationship with that season already. I was coming through the harvest widow experience and putting the kid's to bed alone AGAIN. They are all settled. Deep sigh. Then I heard my son come down the stairs, and he was crying. I was privileged to lead him to Jesus that night.

That experience came on the heels of my crying out to God and it was such a huge confirmation that we were following God and that He would lead and direct our children.

I do not have a formula for building faith in our children. In fact, I would throw away the formulas if I had them. There is not a list of 'Do's' and 'Don'ts' out there that guarantees Godly children. There are basic principles of course, but unless the Holy Spirit does an on-going work in my life and the lives of my children, there is no hope for any of us.

We can't build something in our children that we don't possess ourselves.

We start with the basics:

-get time alone with God
This is very difficult if you have young children, I know. Sometimes it means taking a long hot shower while your husband is with the children. Or maybe a walk without any kids to clear your head and talk to Jesus. I love to grocery shop alone, (now that my children are older, and they prefer to stay at home) and I have had many a mighty 'church' service on my way to Aldi.

-read good books
I know, even reading a book other than Clifford, the Big Red Dog or Are You My Mother sounds completely foreign to you. but if you are a reader, and if you're not, :) I encourage you to read good books. I love books that make me think, books that I can take a bite at a time and then not pick it up again for several days or weeks.

-find mentors or people who will encourage you
This is one that I wish with all my heart I would have done when I had 4 kids ages 6 and under. Don't try to swim alone. There are sharks out there and they are out to get you. After my youngest was born, I suffered with a mild case of depression. I was extremely overwhelmed with 4 young children, we had just started home schooling and were misunderstood by many people, and we were struggling with some personal issues. Someone to text for prayer or to pour my heart out to would have been so valuable.


We build faith in our children by growing our own faith.

You can:
-read Scripture to your baby
-require your 4 year old to memorize Ps.23
-pay your 8 year old to read through the Bible
-push your 12 year old to witness to his friends at school like your friend's 12 year old does

But you can't make them desire a relationship with Jesus.

Recently I read the story of Hannah and Samuel. Samuel was 3-4 years old when he moved in with Eli. Hannah only saw him once a year after that. Hannah had to be disciplined and intentional with her time with Samuel. She had other responsibilities too. He wasn't her only child.

So when do we teach our children about Jesus?
Duet. 6:4-9 says "Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

When we go throughout our day, we talk about God. We ask questions to make them think. "Who painted the sunset? Who made the baby kittens?" We tell them about God, His unconditional love for us, our unique fingerprints, and the way He desires to have a relationship with us. We tell our children why God created us.

Our children' desire for a relationship with God comes from a heart willing to answer the call and work of the Holy Spirit in their lives.

Make your home an environment that feels safe and normal to talk about God.

When God answers a prayer for you, tell your children. Our children's faith grows when they see ours growing.

Some of our favorite tools for acquainting our children with Jesus were:

-Steve Green's "Hide 'em in your Heart" DVD's or CD's
-Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Bible Storybooks
-Our Story Hour Bible story CD's

Some other things we've done around here were to write Scripture on the bathroom mirror, record Scripture on cassette, (this is excellent for the child who struggles with memorization!) and have a family time to memorize together.

Finally, to build faith in our children, we must surrender the outcome to God.

Dannah Gresh says, "If you do not have an on-going conversation with the Holy Spirit about raising your children to be set apart in this corrupt culture, you will become a paranoid parent whose legalism does not allow her children to slay the 'Goliath's' God means for them to face."

Jesus Is Peace

When I've cried all my tears, You see and tell me You  put them in a bottle. (Ps. 56:8)

When I think this is the end of the story, You remind me that at the end of Your story there is a happy ending.

When I wonder who's winning around here, You say You already won the victory.

When I want to give up, You say "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

When I am without hope, You remind me of the cross that fateful night You hung there.

When I want the pain to stop, You remind me that I wasn't created for here, but for THERE.

When I wonder how to pray, You show me verses like Romans 8:26 and tell me that You will intercede  for me.

When the hurt is deep, You remind me of the pain You suffered on the cross for me.

When I long to see You work in people's hearts, You say I need to let You work in my heart.

When I long for more of You, You come, but now how I expect You to.

When I lift my eyes, I see you there, in the midst of all my confusion, holding tight to me.

When I can't sleep at night, You hold me tight, like a Daddy, and rock me to sleep, and I wake up refreshed.

When I fret about the future, You tell me to rest in Your plans.

All you ask of me is to keep on breathing-

to live out Christ in me-

loving and speaking life into the precious people You place in my path-

that's all.

You'll take care of the rest.

Thank-You, Jesus.

This is where peace is found.

Dear Mommy of Little Ones

I watch you as you rejoice over another new baby joining your family. And I remember.....

Motherhood is by far the most difficult task you will ever attempt. It will stretch you, exhaust you, and hopefully bring you more joy than you ever thought possible.

Your days are full, your nights are short, your house is never in the condition you'd like, and for pity sake, could you please just be allowed to go to the bathroom by yourself?! You are so tired of reading that certain Thomas the Tank Engine book, and completely exhausted with that child who wakes up grouchy every single day, and feel all kinds of 'mommy guilt' for not wanting to spend another day in the house with all these sweet but needy children.

People tell you your child acts up because she needs more individual attention, and your husband and you haven't been on a date in months, (come to think of it, you haven't even finished your sentences to each other in that long, either!) and the baby just takes 20 minute cat naps during the day.

Can I ask you to just stop and find a minute or 2 or 20, maybe while your husband is watching your babies, and cry out to Jesus? He loves mommy's so much and cares deeply for them. Think about all those big things you wanted to do with your life. You are doing that and more as you get to spend every day influencing, teaching and training these precious little people. Determine to stop doing this on your own. Train yourself to cry out to Him for help. My sister used to holler out, "Help us, Jesus" when she was in the thick of it with her little people. (She had 3 in about 3 and a half years.) I thought it was cute until I became a mom, then I realized that she had something I wanted.

I don't want you just to survive, I want you to thrive. I want you to love being a Mommy. I want your children to grow up and remember that mom played games with them, colored with them, taught them how to wash dishes, (or just make a mess in the kitchen) and ran races with them. I want you to experience the fun and joy of motherhood.

Maybe the housework has you completely exhausted. Have a cleaning plan. It can be as simple as clean toilets on Monday, sweep floors on Tuesday, dust on Wednesday, etc. Put it into do-able portions. and teach your children to help. A 3 year old can fling a dust rag. (I know, I know, it's not going to be done right. but you will reap the benefits someday soon if you teach your children to work at an early age, before they are truly help.)

Make a simple plan for meals. You don't have to cook a 3 course meal like your Mom did. Jelly bread makes a fantastic dessert. Make double portions and freeze the extra. And don't go grocery shopping all the time. It's exhausting and un-necessary if you plan ahead.

Stop comparing yourself to the lady down the road who has 4 littles like you and sews all their own clothes and cans oodles of stuff from her garden every spring. That's not you and it's okay.

Find a mentor, someone who can pray for you at a moment's notice, someone you can pour out your heart to, and not feel judgement, someone who cares enough to gently tell you if you're getting something wrong.

And please, please don't go to bed every night with that monster of guilt hanging over you of all the things you did wrong that day. You will wake up the next morning with the same monster and he'll be hanging around your neck before you know it. God delights in you, and even when you mess up, He looks at you and smiles, because He created you and thinks you are pretty amazing.

Now go hug your kids, look them in the eyes, and tell them you love them. Because you know you really do.

 I've discovered that this act of mothering

 is my worship to Him right now.

dying to self & delighting in them

there is failure

oh yes, it is messy and sloppy sometimes

yet forgiveness

and grace

and growing.

  -Lovelyn Palm

Back In

So we're back in the saddle, so to speak. We started school this morning. The children were so excited. I smile and enjoy their excitement. It's often short-lived.

I think it's going to be a very intense year. I have a child in 1st, 3rd, 6th, and 7th grades. They keep me hopping. Once again, we are trying a few new curriculum choices to find what suits our needs best. I used to judge people that didn't just stick with something, but then God gave me 4 children, each with different learning styles and abilities. The joke was on me. :) The longer I home school, the less I judge.

I had an Amish man ask me last week, in disbelief, why in the world I would home school our children. I smiled as I thought about what led us to our decision. It started out as convenience, something we'd try for a year. It turned into the perfect fit for our family. Here I am, 7 years later, and I can hardly believe it myself. Leon and I were one of those newly wed couples who said we would NEVER home school our children. God has a way of changing our hearts in His own good time.

Home school isn't always all it's cracked up to be. I really think my most intense struggle and times of feeling the greatest need was in the middle of teaching my children. There are days I just want to get away, be alone, but instead I trudge up those stairs to the school room. There are days when I say no to morning events just for ladies because I'm committed to my 'job'. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed because the day before was just so rotten.

Yes, it's cheaper to home school, you don't need school clothes or uniforms, you can work on snow days and get done quicker in the spring, you don't have to help with field trips and fund raisers, or pack those never ending lunches. But that's not why we home school. No way.

We home school simply because that is what God has called us to do for our family, at this time of our lives. I know that sounds over-spiritual, and you can take it or leave it, but it's the truth.

There are days when I want to hide and not let people know our choice of education based on the junk that is out there about home schooling. When leaders of the home school movement are found in sin and denial of that sin, and stories of abuse from home school families hit the news, I want to just scream, "No!"

When we take our eyes off the One who called us to this task, and make it our own thing done in our own way, independent of accountability and the leading of the Holy Spirit, we are headed into stormy waters.

So whatever method you choose to educate your children, be involved. Even more importantly, be intentional about your relationships with your children. Talk to them, face to face. Find out what's going on in their heart.

You can spend every day with your children and still be an absent parent.

Better than all the parenting books out there is this tidbit I received from a seasoned mother several years ago. When I asked her for advice she simply said, 'I just prayed my way through."

So here's to another year of 'praying my way through'. :)

What I Learned This Summer

If you read my previous post, you'll remember this was the summerthatflewby. Yes, it has been jam packed with fun activities, one right after the other.

When you have a lot going, sleep tends to be hard to come by. I love mornings unless I'm behind on sleep. Then getting up with the alarm can be a real chore. Fumbling through breakfast, waking tired kids, or letting them sleep, trying to catch up on housework, all makes for a crazy schedule and many days I felt pretty far from the organized person I usually am.

Somehow, in the midst of all this, I would find myself thinking, "Now the virtuous woman would have read her Bible and prayed for an hour, all before 7 AM, even if she was sleep deprived, and you're just getting breakfast cleared away and it's mid morning." (or later!)

"But I can't! I'm too tired!" And then I'd argue with myself.

That's when I heard the soft whisper of "Grace, my child."

Ah, grace. It's the 'in' word these days, I know. Some of you hate it. Some of you get it. Some of you don't. Someday my husband will guest blog for me and put it in his own words, which is the way I understand it best. (He always says, "If you think grace is a license to sin, you don't truly understand it.")

And since I can't do anything to earn love from Jesus, not even reading my Bible or praying for an hour, I'll just soak the love up while I do the laundry, I'll see Him smile on me when I read to Brooke, I'll feel Him chuckle when I sit and listen to my big kids tell jokes, I'll sense His arms around me when I'm having a particularly stressful day, and I'll stop placing conditions on myself to get Jesus to perform.

Before I change the subject, I must tell you my Cato story.

It was one of the last days of our family vacation. We were motel-ing in Harrison, OH and taking in the Creation Museum. The first night at that motel, I sat at the pool with the children so Leon could enjoy some quiet time. The next night was my turn. The plan was that I would drive down the street to Pizza Hut and order a pizza for our supper. But I had about 45 minutes of free time before that. So Leon heads to the pool, and I'm alone in our beautiful, apartment-sized motel room for 45 blissful, quiet minutes. I have my Bible and a great devotional book along, but first I turn on the TV to see if anything good was on. I found a silly chick flick and turned off my brain and relaxed. Suddenly, I noticed the time, so I grabbed the keys and my wallet and headed out the door. At Pizza Hut I was told I had to wait about 15 minutes for my order, so I decided to go see what this town has in it. The entire trip I kept telling Leon that I'd LOVE to find a Cato, since we don't have one real close. So I'm driving down the road talking to God out loud, and I said, "I know I wasn't a very good girl today, God. I should have been  reading my Bible or praying back at the motel during my alone time. I'd love to find a Cato but I don't deserve it-" I was literally mid sentence when I saw it. A Cato sign. I started to cry. I felt God as real that moment as I ever have in my life. I felt Him saying, "You think you get good things in exchange for performing well. That's not how I work. I love you regardless of your choices." Let's just say, I have a new favorite shirt and skirt from Cato that day; I like to think of them as my extra special gifts from God. That's grace, folks.

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Today the children and I went to pick out a puppy for our family. Meet Prince. He's all cute and roly-poly, but completely terrified of the cats. I suppose that will change soon enough. Let's just hope he trains easily, because training children is hard enough, much less a puppy.

 And here are my cute pig-tailed girls!

Bask in the father's Love. It'll change your life!