Hello, 2017

Who is God and what does He want from me?

I know, deep in my heart, that all God really wants is a relationship with me. He longs to be first in my life, to walk with me, talk with me, every day of my existence. And really, that's what I want to, if I'm honest.

But so much of life comes crowding in, screaming at me from all directions. Yes, I'm a wife, a pastor's wife, a mother, I home school my kids, I love people, I'm involved in youth ministry, and on any given day, I have a hundred or more jumbled thoughts pressing deep on me- 

I cry out to God for broken relationships, for young people to truly know Him, for my own precious children to find Him to be their everything, for my husband to have the courage and wisdom to lead well, for my church and it's needs, for the lost and broken around me, for my own self- to allow the love of Jesus to pour out of me, to rid myself of me and my selfish desires. 

But maybe God doesn't just want my requests, my 911 calls. Maybe He wants something greater. Maybe what He really wants is my worship, my heart. In the midst of loving, serving, and caring about people, I don't want to miss the most important thing.

I want Jesus to be my enough, my cup filled up, my desires fulfilled, my dreams come true, the air I breathe, the inspiration and encouragement to get me through each day. 

I want to hunger for Him like a starving child hungers for food. Food is the only thing they can focus on and it consumes their entire being. That's what I want. I want to feel the ache in my soul that can never be satisfied any other way, but through Jesus alone.

So Jesus- here's my 2017. I have no control over the events of the year ahead. Whether it be feast or famine, trials or joys, valleys or mountains; I release all of it into Your capable hands and I yield myself to You. You know exactly what You want to do in my heart this year. And truly, that's what I want too.

*all photos from our family trip to Lake Michigan July, 2016