I've Been Thinking......

...about marriage.

 Marriage has been around for ages. Everywhere you look, you can see married folks. However, I have discovered it is much harder to find a GOOD marriage.

When Leon and I were dating, we'd love to watch people at restaurants. We watched how they would talk to each other, how they would look at each other, and then we'd try to guess if they were dating or married, and for how long. Of course, we never knew if we were right but it was fun to observe. 

After we got married, and started having children, I used to wonder, on those rare dates out,  if anyone was watching us. There were times when it was such a relief to be alone and my Mommy-brain completely froze over and I just wanted to be quiet and enjoy the delicious food that I didn't have to cook. I was pretty sure we didn't look like the starry-eyed couple that was forever in love. But I didn't really care, because I knew the man across the table from me was still crazy about me and this stage couldn't last forever.

Anyone can get married, and have an average marriage. But let's not settle for average! God has so much more for us than mediocre.

I find it interesting that Jesus set up marriage as the very best example of Christ and His Bride, yet so many Christians have a marriage that is anything but an example of that relationship.

Trust me-I know a good marriage takes work. We just celebrated 15 years of marriage in August, and these 15 years have not been a walk in the park. Leon often says, 'The person you love the most also has the potential to hurt you the most." And it's true. 

We were one of the fortunate newly-weds in that our first year wasn't full of huge misunderstandings and mis-communications. We dated for a year and a half before we got engaged and a year of that time we were 1000 miles apart. After a 4 month engagement, we were married. 

When our marriage hit its hardest times was when we were smack in the middle of having babies. 4 children in 6 1/2 years to be exact. I still am a big fan of having your kids close together, but it takes a toll on your marriage. We got lost somewhere in the middle of it all. 

One day, soon after our youngest was born, we realized that if we didn't start putting a lot more into our marriage, it would soon fall into the big heap of mediocre marriages. The following days I remember vividly....we cried many tears, we prayed, we talked and talked and talked some more.....and we struggled through that yucky season of our lives. 

What came out of that was beautiful. Our trust, though slow in coming, was stronger than ever before. We looked at each other again with stars in our eyes. We got our love back, so to speak.

Our marriage has gone through many rough spots since that time. I would be lying to tell you that it has been easy. Just this past year we have walked some deep waters, and in times like that, it is really easy to focus on the hard stuff, and let other very important things fade into the background.

Do we have any tried and true secrets to share? Not really, but there are several things that really stand out in our story personally. 

Several years back, Leon began a journey of growing in his relationship with Jesus like never before. The first thing I noticed, after him poring over his Bible and talking about Jesus all the time,  was the way he started treating me. He's always been a kind and loving husband, but this falling in love with Jesus thing took our relationship to a whole new level.

Just this summer, I felt like we misunderstood each other all the time. There were times when it honestly felt like we were speaking different languages. One day when I was feeling especially frustrated, I realized that Leon is not the enemy. He's not the problem, really. Satan has been trying to wreck marriages since, well, since Adam and Eve, and he's done a pretty good job of it. After that realization, I began to do battle for my marriage- to fight against Satan. It made a huge difference.

You've heard this 100's of times, I know, but it cannot be over-emphasized. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a good marriage! Our kids know that we are crazy about each other and at least one of them has starting rolling his eyes at us, while the others yell things like, "Kiss, kiss!" or "Dip her!" 

Just recently I heard of another failed marriage of an acquaintance of mine, and my heart broke just a little more. But what grieves the heart of Jesus more? A divorce, or an un-loving marriage that does not exemplify Jesus?

I am passionate about good marriages that glorify Jesus! I pray that we as Christians would not settle for an average marriage, but that our marriages would truly be a beautiful picture of Jesus and His Bride.

                                            (Just us- celebrating 15 years!)

February-

The month where.....
-the boys have so many basketball games scheduled, either regular games or make-up games due to bad weather, that it seems nary a day goes by that we don't run to practice or games, or piano, or the dentist....

-we get so weary of winter, but below zero temperatures since the beginning of December and lots of snow, remind us that it's not over yet.

-I try to eat next to nothing after 5 PM for a whole week, and after a hunger fit, cave in and eat sweet cereal with the children at 8:30 PM.

-we get 5 baby lambs to bottle feed and several days later, 4 more. Lots of bottles, lots of feedings, and it all gets mixed up in my kitchen sink, and I wonder if the yellow kitchen with hardwood flooring is part barn....Oh, back entrance sink, Where are you?!

-I get away with The Man for a delightful weekend ALONE and we connect on a heart level and talk about baggage and redemption and hope- always HOPE for God to work out His will in our lives for His glory.

-we celebrate rewards earned in the school room with 3 children separately, and 2 of them choose a coffee shop date with Mom, and the third one chooses the Mexican restaurant in town where he orders catfish, and it's a win-win because Mom gets one-on-one time with her children.

-we make homemade noodles at my Mom's with the sister-in-law, and the 4 kids declare noodle making the best activity ever unless you can go play in the snow with your cousins- that's trumps even noodle making!

-we muck through school and I get so discouraged and on one of the very worst days, the dear niece, mother of 4, calls for, yep, you guessed it, homeschooling advice, and I hear God saying that He doesn't want perfection as much as a willing heart.

-the children fight, Mom splits them all up and makes them apologize and play games with each other and takes pictures to remember how sweet and innocent they look.

-I realize how needy and broken I am and how much I need Jesus to help me not raise my voice at my children or tell my husband that he NEVER turns the lights off......(failed!)

-we have an impromptu geography class with Dad at bedtime and dream of going west some day.

-old memories of difficult situations rear their ugly heads and I struggle with trusting God, but I choose to walk by FAITH, and not by sight.

-I preach a sermon to my children about how much God loves them unconditionally and that His love is not dependent on their actions- and then realize how much I needed to hear that myself.

-The dirt under the kitchen table gets so bad that my daughter notices and tells me and I don't even care.

-the oldest daughter dresses up the youngest daughter and puts on a show for the rest of us and it is quite hilarious and entertaining.

-I lower my standards from our traditional Valentines Supper where we invite a family in and have a fancy meal on china to taking the family to Des Moines to a Rend Collective concert and eating at Bonanza. It really was a special evening even if it was not our normal celebration.

-the girls spend hours playing in their house, a cardboard box gifted to them from their friends, Mary and Jon.

-we wake up tired to ANOTHER fresh blanket of snow. It's breathtaking outside but we muck through a lot of ugly inside. Our plans for the day get canceled and it turns out to be a huge gift from God that we get to stay home all day! The sun comes out and the children spend hours outdoors, and even the tired Mom goes out for some Vitamin D.

-I try to take a picture every day of the month and it is a fun way to chronicle the events of each day.

-oldest son shoots his first rabbit and he makes quite delicious eating. (the rabbit, not the son.)

-the littlest daughter has her turn to go on a date with her Daddy.

And that's our month, so far.

A Rainy Saturday's Musings

It's a lovely , RAINY Saturday afternoon. My house is quiet. That is a rare treat. I can think. I can process stuff in my head. I can write.

This week has been busy. Leon says we have revolving doors on our house. People come. People go. Every day. I love to share my home with guests. I love to share my gift of hospitality. I love to cook and entertain. But I love quiet, too. A lot.

God has felt distant this week. I don't know why. My prayers felt like they were hitting the ceiling. I almost felt depressed. I felt lazy and unmotivated, whenever I had a minute to myself.

Leon has been very busy. I love a lot of things about the harvest season. The schedule is not one of them. A tired husband is not either.

I went to some garage sales this morning in town. I enjoyed the alone time as much or more than the garage sales. I prayed on my way to town. I needed evidence that God cared. I know He does. But today I needed tangible proof. Guess what? At the second stop, I found a tote that slides under a bed for 75 cents. It's a little thing, I know. But it was on my shopping list to buy on my next trip to Walmart. They usually cost $10. It wasn't an accident. It was my tangible proof that Jesus cares about ME!

 I stopped at the nursing home to drop off a treat for my niece, who works there. I also stopped in to see my friend, Audrey. Audrey is one of the sweetest old ladies I know. Audrey loves people and Jesus. I've never seen her without a cheerful smile. She was reading her Bible this morning. I wondered what I would do when I'm in my 80's and stuck in a nursing home. I hope I'm sweet. I hope I'm still pursuing Jesus.

Last night, I helped my Mom with a small group. After the pie was served, one of the guests spilled his just-filled glass of iced tea. No big deal. Happens all the time. His wife lit into him. She really let him have it. When I refilled his glass, his wife sarcastically commented that she sure wouldn't fill it, he'll just spill the second one. These people were pushing 65. Seriously. He was a jolly sort of fellow, but after that tongue lashing, he was very quiet. I shared this story at the lunch table today. I hope my children got the message. I hope I got the message, too.

I've been thinking about the love of Christ. How I want to understand it. How I want to KNOW it. I read a terrific blog on this subject this week. One line jumped out at me.  "A love that can't be lost, because {we} never earned it in the first place."  barefoot missionary. 

"For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21

Powerful verses. Powerful message.  

                                            Brooklyn reading her very first story to Daddy!!!!

Squeezing the Last Sweet Drops Out of Summer

What a good, busy summer we had. And now it's officially fall...I mean, the calendar says so. Who can argue with that? Tonight the children helped me pick 5 bushels of apples from our neighbors trees, for free. Tomorrow they go to an Amish farm and get turned into cider. Yummy!

Harvest 2013 has officially started. I take a deep breath and hang on for the ride. I will not complain about long days with no husband around. I will not complain about packing lunches. I will not complain about him always being tired and overworked. I will not complain....:) I will be thankful he is healthy and can work. I will be thankful my children can spend hours with their Dad on the combine, tractor or grain truck. I will be thankful that he comes home every night to me. I will be thankful.....

Today as we raced around the house during break time, and my 10 year old son was trying to catch me, I thought, surely I can still run faster than him. But alas! It was not to be. So now I am resigned to the fact that I have the athletic abilities of a 10 year old, which isn't too bad if it's MY 10 year old. But still....where did that 'fastest running girl in the youth group' go? (funny side note: we had relay races in the youth group once, and I was the fastest girl and Leon was the fastest boy. He likes to say that I had to marry him because he was the only one I couldn't outrun.)

My favorite pictures from the summer:

                                                      games with Great Grandma

Jamison's prize watermelon

                                                       Canning....snapping beans....

Slip and slide on hot days

                                                                 
                                                                    applesauce day

Cousin Fun

                                                       
                                                             Corn on the cob for lunch

                                                       (notice the kitties in the lunch bag)

It was a good summer. Yes, it was.

My Messy Life

We're in the middle of a re-model job in my kitchen....tearing out the old nasty carpet, and putting in new, beautiful, easy to wash, hardwood flooring. Can you tell I'm excited?

We moved to this farmhouse almost 7 years ago, and the first thing we said was, "Who would put carpet in the kitchen/dining room? It's got to go." That was 83 months ago.

Upon investigation, we discovered that the floor was very uneven. There used to be a set of stairs that separated my kitchen and dining room and when they were pulled out and placed elsewhere, the whole center of the floor went, you guessed it, down. So now we understand that carpet was by far the easiest solution to this project. When the center of the room is 2 1/2 inches lower than the edges of the room you have a bit of a problem. This would not be an easy fix.

Last winter, my hard-working man chopped up cement in the basement until he had two long trenches. He then poured fresh cement into the trenches until we had a very solid section of floor to work with. Then a friend of ours began jacking the floor. The house creaked and groaned, cracks began to appear and plaster crumbled, to the point that our friend and Leon decided it was time to stop. So while the floor still isn't quite level, it's much better than it was, and now we can proceed with the hardwood flooring that I've been dreaming of.

So all the appliances and bottom cupboards had to be moved out. They are resting calmly in my small-ish living room. A few cupboards and a long counter top had to be put into our spacious bedroom for lack of room elsewhere. The dishes from the cupboards went into my office along with the girl's kitchen set. The school room has been converted into a kitchen of sorts, where I can make anything I want as long as it only takes a microwave, electric skillet, or crockpot. And not all at once, because then we blow breakers left and right, and right and left. The only working fridge is in the mudroom so it requires running a flight of stairs to get my things from the fridge to my 'kitchen' upstairs. Meal prep is a riot. I've been getting great exercise.:)

Then out went the nasty old carpet....upon which our family of 6 has spilled a gallon of milk, a pint of salsa, a quart of grape juice....and the list goes on. Leon worked hard to remove it. It seemed to like us a lot more than we liked it, and was very hard to remove.

And then the fun began. The hardwood is going in....and I try to keep my eyes on the end result.

I am discovering that I like order even more than I realized. When my world is total chaos, I lose my ability to set goals and achieve them. I have a hard time getting motivated or delegating responsibility to my children. After all, nothing is in its proper place, so the normal fashion of doing a job now takes twice as long.

I couldn't help but spiritualize my problem. I tend to think like that sometimes. When life beats us down, it's so easy to let despair swallow us up. We feel defeat, and discouragement is right behind. The problem increases until we are in way worse shape than we would ever have dreamed possible. Oh, Satan has heyday at those times.

We must be pro-active and do battle against the attacks on us, our family, and those around us. We need to get in the Word and pour out our heart to God, who holds all we need in His hands.

I have always been passionate about good marriages. I always thought smugly perhaps, that we just had a pretty good marriage going on. But this year, we have felt attacks on our marriage like never before. We were never the fightin' kind.:) but we have disagreed on a lot of stuff the last while. and not just disagreed but "My way or the highway" kind of disagree.

One morning several weeks ago, as I was going about my tasks, I was feeling all sorry for myself and the way 'he' wasn't meeting my needs and being sensitive to me. and God really slapped me upside the head. I realized that first of all, Leon can not meet my needs and expectations; only God can. I knew all that....but needed the reminder. And then I thought about the fun Satan must be having trying to wreck us. I literally cried out to God for help, and prayed against the attacks on our marriage. Wow! why am I so slow?

All this to say, if you're in a mess, there is a way out! Don't give up, don't give in!

Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.  Eph.6: 10-11

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.  Zeph. 3:17

And now, for some pictures of my mess:

 See the laundry on the couch? I was too lazy to fold it.

And the beauty in the mess:

Dorcas brought me a beautiful gladiola

 And here's the floor thus far!!!!!!!! isn't it lovely?!!!

 

Don't let your mess get you down.