Dear Logan,
It's been great being your Mom. I can't help but reflect a bit since you turned 11 a few days ago. You've come a long way in 11 years and hopefully I have to. I think back to when we found out about you....
We were so excited! We had been married for 9 months. We lived in a 1975 trailer that we were in the process of buying. Your Dad worked as a parts man at a Napa parts store. I had a cleaning job, and worked part-time as a manager/waitress at a sale barn lunch room. We didn't have much money but we were incredibly happy. We were saving our pennies to pay for your hospital bill.
I remember September 11 like it was yesterday. I was working on sewing some maternity clothes. I got a phone call from your daddy telling me about the attacks on the Twin Towers. I turned the radio on and was horrified at the news. I was trying to figure out why in the world we were bringing a baby into this messed up world.
Every time I would go to the doctor and hear your heartbeat, I was just awe-struck by the miracle of YOU! I prayed for you every day and often read the Bible to you.
When I was 7 months pregnant with you, I got kidney stones and spent 3 days in the hospital. The pain was intense. The treatment was tricky because of you. The plans were to move me to a larger hospital and perform a minor surgery on me the next day to remove the stones. But God helped me pass the stones that night and I was able to go home instead. After that, I quit my jobs and stayed home until you were born. I was pretty wiped out from being in the hospital.
February 27 rolled around. It was a week after your due date. I thought I was going to be pregnant forever. I was at my mom's that day, then I came home and took a long walk. Soon I decided that you were going to be born sometime soon. It was midnight before your Daddy and I went to the hospital. It was almost noon on the 28th before you were born. You got to share your birthday with your Uncle Kevin and your Aunt Mary.
You were all red-faced and squished when I saw you first, but I thought you were pretty amazing. You had the most perfect features. 6 pounds and 9 ounces of pure sweetness. The next morning the doctor told me that you had an infection and needed to be moved to a bigger hospital. Your Daddy had spent the night with us but he was at work already. So I called him and told him to come right away. He arrived just in time to kiss you good bye as they rushed you out the door into the waiting helicopter. It was a very difficult moment, watching you leave. We headed home and packed up some clothes and went to the big city.
When we got there, we were taken to you right away and you had tubes and wires and oxygen. It was hard not to think the worst. We prayed and prayed and cried some, too. The next 10 days are a blur. Daddy stayed with me for 3 nights then the hospital 'kicked' him out. Our/my room was 3 floors away and about a 10 minute walk from you. It was pretty crazy. I spent a lot of time with you but then I would go to my room and take a nap or eat some food that people so kindly shared with us. Every 3 hours day and night I would get called to you. You were doing great, they said, but your oxygen levels were too low to be released. Daddy spent every evening at the hospital and I think I always cried when he left. We just wanted to take you home and be a family.
Finally the day came! You were released and we could go home! We went to Applebee's for lunch and then headed home. It was so wonderful to be in our own house and stay there!
The following days and nights were tough. You were used to the nights in NICU where it was never quiet or dark. You had a hard time sleeping in our quiet house, especially at night.
I was a new mommy. There were a lot of things that were hard for me. You loved your pacifier but would wake up and cry every time you lost it. After 8 times in one night, we decided to take it away. I felt like a bad mom. Some people thought I was crazy for taking away your paci. Some people thought I should schedule more strictly. Some thought I should schedule less. You were always a little fussy away from home. I got all kinds of advice. The one that got me the most was that I was too uptight and you could tell. It was hard being a new mom. It was one of the first times in my life that I really lacked confidence.
You were quiet and shy as a toddler. Loud noises and chaos bothered you. Dirt really bothered you. You quit wearing a bib around your first birthday. You screamed and cried over haircuts. You loved your Grandpa and your uncles but not a lot of other people. You loved your Daddy and tried to imitate him in every way. You couldn't play alone. You followed me everywhere I went. Your toys were my toys, kitchen utensils, bowls, and containers.
You had to put up with our parenting blunders. Sometimes I feel like you have really been the guinea pig on the discipline. We try stuff out on you. You were the first to get an allowance, be home schooled and many other things.
You have taught me more about me than anyone else. You are a lot like me. Sometimes we butt heads. Sometimes we cry together. You challenge me in a lot of ways. I love having a front row seat on you growing up. I'm excited to see who you will become. I'm excited to see what God will do in your life. I pray that you will allow the Holy Spirit to do what He wants in your life. I pray you will some day grow up to be a real man and a faithful leader. Your Dad is a great example of that. I pray that life will be tough enough to make you see how much you need Jesus. And I pray that your life will be a living testimony of His faithfulness.
Love,
Mom
age 4
age 6
(w/ Brooklyn)
age 7
11th birthday!!!!!
(birthday breakfast in bed)
