Daybook

I've been enjoying....
My Christmas devotional The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp. "The message of Christmas is that this world's a mess and we can never save ourselves from ourselves and we need a Messiah."

Out my window....
The Farmer is hauling manure, the grass is green, and the wind is a'blowing...22 mph. Good ole' Iowa!

My kids are loving....
Their new ping pong table! We set it up in the egg room in the chicken house for now, and it makes chores so much more fun. 

We are all excited for....
Our family Christmas on Christmas Eve when we finally get to empty our stockings and reveal the secrets we've all been keeping from each other!

My favorite song....
Is "Heaven Song" by Phil Wickham.

I can hardly believe....
That this year is almost over! It has been such a mixture of joy and struggle, learning and growing, fun and hard!

Today we....
Completed the first half of the school year! Two weeks of glorious vacation and then back to the books on January 4. 

God's been teaching me....
That I'm not responsible for other people's actions and attitudes, only mine!

Something I need to work on....
To pray more!!!

A picture from 2010....

My favorite quote right now....
"Stop making what people did to you bigger than what God did for you." Christine Caine

Some fun things we've done recently as a family....
Went to a Christmas play in Waterloo and in Washington, Leon took the kids Christmas shopping for me (!) while I stayed home and worked on some Christmas gifts, enjoyed the girls' piano recital, and got in lots of basketball games for the boys.

I am thankful...
For the blessing of good health for our family!

I am listening....
to Michael W. Smith's album "Sovereign".

I'm looking forward to....
Christmas with my family!!!!!!

Merry Christmas!

Life at our House

It's been a long time since I sat down and blogged. The urge to write is still here, but it seems a lot wiser and safer to write in my journal. 

We are currently in a state of transition in our family....visiting churches and seeking God's Will for our future. This stage of life has come with a lot of peace. I know that our choices make little sense to the people around us, but we aren't living our lives for people, but to glorify Jesus.

School: The girls and I have been doing the "Adventures in U.S. History" (My Father's World) this year and it has been so much fun again. I did this curriculum with my boys when they were in 1st and 2nd grades and they still talk about the things we did that year.

Here they are with their ships, the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.

We made ink from mashed up raspberries one day, and then wrote our names with a feather pen dipped into our 'ink'.

We also made homemade bread and butter. 

And johnny cakes, too.....

This is how we do school around here sometimes....

Farm Life: The Farmer tried to finish harvesting for several weeks but if the beans weren't too wet, then he had a break down, but as of last week, we can honestly say we're done!!! Yay!!

When the Farmer works late, we try to make fun things happen around here. Sometimes we hang out with friends....

or play the Farming Game and drink Pumpkin White Hot Chocolates....

Or we can always take pictures with Mom's camera....

There are books to read....

 and knitting to try out...

and always, always, kittens to play with....

We can have a  tea party with our dolls, too.

Somehow I don't take pictures of my hard-working boys who cleared the garden, mowed the yard, and raked the leaves. These boys can do all the chores on the farm now, by themselves. Just tonight I was informed that Logan has been giving shots to sick pigs when he chores for several years now. I am impressed. 

I've been trying harder to involve my girls in the kitchen. They definitely show interest and it's often just a matter of me taking the time to show them how and let them be creative.

Here Annika is mixing up granola-

The girls making scrambled eggs...

Leon's youngest brother got married last weekend, and we all had a wonderful but packed weekend, celebrating with family. Now this week has been a drag....getting back into the swing of things and catching up on sleep. Annika said on Monday morning, "Mom, I just feel grouchy." I understand, dear daughter, I understand.

I read some really amazing stuff this morning and have been thinking about listening to God's voice... (however much thinking that was possible to squeeze into my morning of doing school and running a house..:)) Many different 'voices' will try to tell us how to live our lives, but there's only one Voice to tune in to...the Voice of Jesus. The Bible says, "My sheep KNOW my voice, and they follow me." I quote from Jesus Calling, "Be content to be a simple sheep, listening for My voice and following Me." And that's enough for me....

I've Been Thinking......

...about marriage.

 Marriage has been around for ages. Everywhere you look, you can see married folks. However, I have discovered it is much harder to find a GOOD marriage.

When Leon and I were dating, we'd love to watch people at restaurants. We watched how they would talk to each other, how they would look at each other, and then we'd try to guess if they were dating or married, and for how long. Of course, we never knew if we were right but it was fun to observe. 

After we got married, and started having children, I used to wonder, on those rare dates out,  if anyone was watching us. There were times when it was such a relief to be alone and my Mommy-brain completely froze over and I just wanted to be quiet and enjoy the delicious food that I didn't have to cook. I was pretty sure we didn't look like the starry-eyed couple that was forever in love. But I didn't really care, because I knew the man across the table from me was still crazy about me and this stage couldn't last forever.

Anyone can get married, and have an average marriage. But let's not settle for average! God has so much more for us than mediocre.

I find it interesting that Jesus set up marriage as the very best example of Christ and His Bride, yet so many Christians have a marriage that is anything but an example of that relationship.

Trust me-I know a good marriage takes work. We just celebrated 15 years of marriage in August, and these 15 years have not been a walk in the park. Leon often says, 'The person you love the most also has the potential to hurt you the most." And it's true. 

We were one of the fortunate newly-weds in that our first year wasn't full of huge misunderstandings and mis-communications. We dated for a year and a half before we got engaged and a year of that time we were 1000 miles apart. After a 4 month engagement, we were married. 

When our marriage hit its hardest times was when we were smack in the middle of having babies. 4 children in 6 1/2 years to be exact. I still am a big fan of having your kids close together, but it takes a toll on your marriage. We got lost somewhere in the middle of it all. 

One day, soon after our youngest was born, we realized that if we didn't start putting a lot more into our marriage, it would soon fall into the big heap of mediocre marriages. The following days I remember vividly....we cried many tears, we prayed, we talked and talked and talked some more.....and we struggled through that yucky season of our lives. 

What came out of that was beautiful. Our trust, though slow in coming, was stronger than ever before. We looked at each other again with stars in our eyes. We got our love back, so to speak.

Our marriage has gone through many rough spots since that time. I would be lying to tell you that it has been easy. Just this past year we have walked some deep waters, and in times like that, it is really easy to focus on the hard stuff, and let other very important things fade into the background.

Do we have any tried and true secrets to share? Not really, but there are several things that really stand out in our story personally. 

Several years back, Leon began a journey of growing in his relationship with Jesus like never before. The first thing I noticed, after him poring over his Bible and talking about Jesus all the time,  was the way he started treating me. He's always been a kind and loving husband, but this falling in love with Jesus thing took our relationship to a whole new level.

Just this summer, I felt like we misunderstood each other all the time. There were times when it honestly felt like we were speaking different languages. One day when I was feeling especially frustrated, I realized that Leon is not the enemy. He's not the problem, really. Satan has been trying to wreck marriages since, well, since Adam and Eve, and he's done a pretty good job of it. After that realization, I began to do battle for my marriage- to fight against Satan. It made a huge difference.

You've heard this 100's of times, I know, but it cannot be over-emphasized. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a good marriage! Our kids know that we are crazy about each other and at least one of them has starting rolling his eyes at us, while the others yell things like, "Kiss, kiss!" or "Dip her!" 

Just recently I heard of another failed marriage of an acquaintance of mine, and my heart broke just a little more. But what grieves the heart of Jesus more? A divorce, or an un-loving marriage that does not exemplify Jesus?

I am passionate about good marriages that glorify Jesus! I pray that we as Christians would not settle for an average marriage, but that our marriages would truly be a beautiful picture of Jesus and His Bride.

                                            (Just us- celebrating 15 years!)

Down A Country Road...

I love to go on walks. My favorite time to walk is either before breakfast or after supper. If I go after supper, well, there are 2 young ladies that beg to go along. And what kind of heart-less mother would say no to that?

But you see, I love to walk ALONE. Just me and God. I can think in silence, pray without interruptions, and hear from God. 

Since we home school, I rarely get a moment alone. So I like to think that I NEED these walks, maybe even deserve them. 

I must admit, I seldom actually say NO to my walking buddies. I try to remind myself that some day I will wish for my chatty little walking buddies. I remind myself that walking buddies now=walking buddies later. Taking time to build our friendship now will hopefully pay off later. 

Tonight after supper I said, "Who wants to go on a walk with me?" The girls both yelled, "I do!" We headed down the road. I heard them talk about many things. We said "Hi" to the neighbor's horses and talked about what kind of horse they are. We talked about our dog and how he loves to run with us when we go walking. We talked about many other things. Nothing heavy, nothing spiritual. Just us 3, spending time together.

As we were walking in the lane, I thought, you know, maybe I did hear from God tonight on my walk after all.

I heard Him in my daughter's giggle, I saw Him in the beauty of nature, in my daughter's smile, I felt Him remind me to slow down and enjoy TODAY.

It was a good walk. I even felt refreshed in my spirit.

Just Me and My Thoughts

I feel dangerous tonight...like maybe I shouldn't be left alone.

Don't call 911 just yet. Let me explain.

Several days ago I blogged. Before I hit publish, I had my husband proof read it. He said it was too, umm, what was the word, raw? I am grateful for his wisdom. It now sits neatly in my Drafts. Maybe you'll see it someday, maybe you won't.

My mind has truly been a whirlwind lately. Sometimes the best way for me to clear my mind is to write.

Recently I explained to my teenage son the way a woman's brain functions versus a man's brain. He thought it was funny. Sometimes my husband finds it funny too; other times it can just be really frustrating.

So let's see, just this week alone, I contemplated the exciting and scary adventure called high school that awaits us just around the corner, I counseled my daughter on the importance of taking your anger to Jesus instead of taking it out on others, I advised my son that if he teased his sisters one more time, well, he didn't even want to imagine what the consequence would be, I explained to a struggling child how I understand the stage of these tough growing up years and how the most important thing to remember is that God loves you and Mom and Dad love you, I banned the use of electronics for an entire 3 hour block, I sent the second grader to the principal's office, (only to hear her sister say, "I would do ANYTHING to get sent to the principal!) and I taught my son, who's as big as me, how to fold a blanket.

I reminded my children to empty the dishwasher, burn the trash, MAKE THE BED, put away their shoes, stop teasing each other, stop laughing at her, and just STOP looking at her altogether!

I messed up more times than I can count, felt like I deserved the Bad Parent Award and have perhaps messed up my children enough to make a counselor cry.

But my mind is still a whirlwind and sometimes I just want to.stop.thinking.

If I had a "man-brain", could I just shut all the boxes and think "nothing"?! I know someone like that. :) I envy him.

I want to be a prayer warrior, an encouraging friend, and able to speak truth in love to those around me. I want to be sensitive to other's needs, and sensitive to the Holy Spirit's nudge to be obedient to whatever He asks me to do.

I want to love people like Jesus loves people. I want to be that listening ear, trusted friend, that many long to have.

But this week, I've struggled to just be.

And once again, God has gently reminded me that it's okay to 'take a break' because of our own pain. It's okay to sit back and let someone else do the loving, the encouraging, even the praying, for a time.

I want to just lean in hard on Jesus, and He will gently heal the hurt. I know He will. And someday I'll look back on this season of my life, and I'll remember the pain. I'll also remember the promise, and the Hands that never let go.

I read something this week in Jesus Calling that I just had to highlight:
 "I did not design the human mind to try to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes, and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace."

And so tonight, I will sleep peacefully in the arms of My Abba Father.

The Things They Say

Yep, my kids are funny. Very, very funny. Sometimes I write down the funny things they say, but sadly, there's a lot that we forget. Here's a combination of funnies from our house:


Me: What do you think is the best part of being a Mom?
Brooke: Having Mother's Day.
Annika: Taking care of your kids.
Jamie: Watching your kids improve in school.
Logan: Sampling the food.



While doing Math in school, I said to Brooke: "We need 6 kitties, but we only have 1. How many more do we need?" Brooke replied: "A lot!"


Logan said to me several weeks ago: "Mom, you could relieve a lot of stress if you'd just watch Andy Griffith."


Me to a nameless child: "Why did you pinch her?"
Child: "Well, she needs to learn to return good for evil."


Another nameless child, at the supper table, discussing plans for a Cops & Robbers sort of game: "You be the sheriff, I'll be the hypocrite." (criminal)


Brooke, while helping me make whoopie pies one afternoon: "Mom, it sure takes a long time to make whoopie cushions!"


Another one from Brooke: "What are you guys secreting about?"


Brooke: "Mom, where did you get your funnies?"
Me: "I was born that way, I guess. Where did you get yours?"
Brooke: "From Dad."

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Yesterday it was nine years that we moved here to the farm. Nine years that God totally rearranged our plans, uprooted us from our dreams, took us on a wild ride of faith, and dropped us on a perfect little farm for us. Oh, but we didn't know that then. 

When we married in 2000, we bought an old 3 bedroom trailer. Several years later, we bought several acres of "junk" farmland on a funny shaped hill, and Leon began making something beautiful out of that pile of dirt with a bulldozer. We moved the old trailer on the land, and settled in. The long-term plan was to build a house, live in the basement, eventually finish the top part of the house, and we'd be all set. We could raise our family on 2 acres in the country, surrounded by corn fields, and gravel roads. It would be the perfect life for us.

Then a young man from the community came knocking on our door. He had a 3 acre hog farm he wanted to sell to us badly. We had 2 little boys and were expecting our 3rd child by fall. This was in the spring. We told him we weren't interested.

Several months later, he stopped by again. This time we decided to ask a few people for advice. Everywhere we turned, people were encouraging us to go for it. What??!! This was not in our plans at all.

After several sleepless nights for Leon, (I was pregnant, remember, and nothing kept me awake!) lots of seeking advice and ultimately begging God to show us, we decided to buy the farm.

We got possession on August 9, 2006. My sister and husband from Wisconsin came and spent 10 days with us, working like crazy to get our farm ready to move on to. I was 8 months pregnant, and not up to a lot of physical activity. 

The house had been lived in by a bachelor for 3-4 years, and needed paint, and lots of scrubbing. My efficient sister organized painting crews and did a ton of painting herself. My entire Bontrager family came for a whole day and whacked weeds as high as the barn, mowed, washed and bleached the basement, scrubbed and painted. We had other friends who brought food and helped paint or clean. Almost all the carpets got ripped out and the wood floors underneath got a fresh coat of paint.

The barn was in a terrible state of neglect. Leon and my brother-in-law worked long days out there, cleaning out drains, repairing water leaks, cleaning up in general, plus taking care of our first batch of baby pigs- 1400 of them.

I packed up the trailer and took care of my little boys. I made food for the hard workers and tried to stay organized and rested. I really felt like I didn't do much at all compared to everyone else.

But with lots of help, we were able to move on August 19, 2006. Our furniture from the trailer didn't even come close to furnishing our big farm house. But we were settled and now this baby could be born. (Annika was born almost 4 weeks later.)

Leon went back to work at his full-time job. He worked long hours, then came home and took care of the pigs. We wonder sometimes how we managed those first several years.....

The boys just loved the farm. They explored and played outside all day long. We had a cement patio to ride trikes on. We had an old garage that quickly became their "shop" and all kinds of adventures were had in there. One of the first things they did was to dig a very large hole in the  middle of this garage. Of course, nobody knows why. The hole is still there. 

Over the years, we've made lots of improvements to this place. Leon has spent countless hours working in the pig barn, repairing things. We had a wall put in the huge 5 car garage so that the back part could be an insulated shop for Leon to work in.

And the house- I cried the first time we walked through it. It was so dirty and smelled like pigs, and it was just such a strange house! Two staircases, strange nooks and crannies, crooked floors, and nasty old windows.

The first winter we worked in the kitchen and added some cupboards. We hired someone to put a railing on the open stairway in the living room so my babies wouldn't fall down and break their heads. Leon put shelves in the door-less, shelf-less closets. He also put shelves in the damp, dark basement for my canned food.

We put carpet in the living room, on the stairs, and in the school room and girl's room. We painted the storage room and turned it into a tiny guest room. We replaced several windows. 

More recently, we jacked up the kitchen/dining room floor and put hardwood flooring in. We also repaired the front porch and tore out the rotten railing and replaced it with pillars.

New windows are on the agenda next.....!!!!!!!!!

The crazy thing is- I fell in love with this old house! When people advise us to tear it down and build new, (it was built in 1905) something inside of me gets a sick feeling. Tear down my house that has so much character? No way. 

This house is home to so many memories. This house that I didn't want to live in has now has become my cozy friend. This house that I finally have room to entertain guests in, host parties in, and so much more......

And now- a trip down memory lane.....

It's been a wild ride, but I'm so grateful for this farm.