To My First-born Son

Ten years ago on February 28, you were born. I will never be the same. I became a mother that day. You taught me things about love, protectiveness, endurance that I never knew before. You completely changed my life.

I remember seeing you lie there in your isolette in NICU. You had those nasty oxygen tubes taped to your soft cheeks. I begged God to heal your lungs so you could breathe on your own.  Every 2 1/2 hours, I made my way through that enormous hospital, night and day, to be by your side and feed you. Finally, after 6 days on oxygen and 4 more days of the Dr. just observing you, we got to take our precious baby boy home!

Those first days were very special. After being in the hospital, I don't think I ever complained about getting up at night with you or settling you when you were fussy. We were just so glad to be at home.

You became a very shy, very cautious toddler. You loved your Grandpa fiercly and would cry out "Papa, Papa, Papa" when you saw him in church. You were scared of dirt and quit wearing a bib at 12 months of age. You stayed out of mud puddles and cried when your sock didn't go just right or when your shoe strings weren't the same length after being tied. You were terrified of the carousel at the mall.

Little did we know you would turn into this 'man-child' 10 years later, who loves dirt, and all things boy, and needs to be reminded to be neat.

You are such a good big brother to your siblings. When you feel needed, you just get it done. When I went to Texas, you pretty much took over the whole kitchen. You are really developing some strong leadership qualities.

We love you so much, Son, and are so grateful to God for putting you in our family- first!

Dad-Shaped Hole

It was her first date. She was so excited. She took a long bath, got dressed up all pretty, put a flower in her hair, and waited. She had never been on a date before, but she knew it was exciting.

She came home- her face aglow. Her and her Daddy ate french fries and ice cream together. She delighted in his undivided attention. She felt loved. This was her first date, but hopefully not her last.


Today, there is a young lady in Oklahoma who has a dad-shaped hole in her heart. He loved her and cared for her for 30+ years. Now he's in Heaven and she's left to make sense of it all.

I was in her shoes, 26 years ago. The hole never closes up. It's always there. Time heals, but a girl never stops needing a Daddy.

I watch my daughters. They adore their Daddy. There are times when it seems like he is the only one who can turn their world right side up. They don't even know what they have. The relationship they have with their Daddy will greatly shape who they are, who they become.

There are also many daughters who have this Dad-shaped hole, but their father is still alive. He chooses not to meet their needs or perhaps, due to a variety of circumstances, doesn't even know how to meet their needs.

In spite of our circumstances, we all have a Father who desires a relationship with us that is even more fulfilling than our relationship with our earthly father could ever be. And when we allow our Heavenly Father to love us in the way that he desires, we will find comfort and love that passes all understanding.

Sister Love

When I was born, they were 14 and 18. I am sure they thought of me {us} as an unhandy amount of work sometimes. Twins aren't a piece of cake really, unless you happen to be fortunate enough to have 2 {almost} grown daughters. Needless to say, my Mom highly recommends twins. Karen kept us clean, clothed, fed, and well trained. Mary kept up the yard, garden, and lots of other things.

Mary got married and moved out a week after our 4th birthday. I really don't remember her living at home. Karen was in and out, with home being her landing place, for a number of years. She finally got married at the ripe old age of 29. ;) I have a lot of good memories of sharing a room with her, talking all grown up with her, and probably making a royal pain out of myself sometimes.

But I was never very close to my sisters.

Somehow, since I'm married, that relationship has changed. My sisters are some of my greatest mentors and friends. They know where I came from, and hopefully can at least dream of where I'm headed.;) They encourage me by their walk with God. And even though they are both over 50 now, they aren't passive about their relationship with God, but are continually seeking Him, and growing in their walk with God. They challenge me in some way every time we're together.

So imagine the fun we had, surprising Karen for her 50th birthday!

I am blessed!

Thanks, Honey!

Thanks, Honey, for insisting I go to surprise my sister for her 50th birthday. Thanks for checking online for a cheap ticket for several weeks, only to discover there were none. You then decided that I'm going alone, without the girls. You bought the ticket. You planned to take care of the kids. You told me to have a good time, to stay up late, and not worry about home.

{You didn't know you were getting 1400 baby pigs the day I left, or that your boss would go on vacation, thus making extra chores, or that you would feel half-sick the entire weekend.}

I packed my bags, typed up lists for the kids, filled the fridge or freezer, cleaned the house, did the laundry, then hugged and kissed you and the kids good-bye. You were still reminding me to have a good time.

You got the new pigs settled, and then took over with the kids. They had a wonderful weekend with you.  I wish I could have seen you Sunday morning, especially to peek at the girls. But they were basking in their Daddy's love so I know they were beautiful. I'm sure you only laughed when Logan made scrambled eggs without putting butter in the pan first. The kids will never forget that Super Bowl Party with Dad. The pizza, popcorn, and Gatorade...at the neighbors vacant house.

Sure, I came home to a house that wasn't quite like I keep it. But I came home to a happy, loving family. An amazing  self-less husband. And when I said, "Oh, honey, I wish I could send you somewhere and give you some time off," all you said was, "I'd just wanna be with you."

Thanks, Honey!