...about marriage.
Marriage has been around for ages. Everywhere you look, you can see married folks. However, I have discovered it is much harder to find a GOOD marriage.
When Leon and I were dating, we'd love to watch people at restaurants. We watched how they would talk to each other, how they would look at each other, and then we'd try to guess if they were dating or married, and for how long. Of course, we never knew if we were right but it was fun to observe.
After we got married, and started having children, I used to wonder, on those rare dates out, if anyone was watching us. There were times when it was such a relief to be alone and my Mommy-brain completely froze over and I just wanted to be quiet and enjoy the delicious food that I didn't have to cook. I was pretty sure we didn't look like the starry-eyed couple that was forever in love. But I didn't really care, because I knew the man across the table from me was still crazy about me and this stage couldn't last forever.
Anyone can get married, and have an average marriage. But let's not settle for average! God has so much more for us than mediocre.
I find it interesting that Jesus set up marriage as the very best example of Christ and His Bride, yet so many Christians have a marriage that is anything but an example of that relationship.
Trust me-I know a good marriage takes work. We just celebrated 15 years of marriage in August, and these 15 years have not been a walk in the park. Leon often says, 'The person you love the most also has the potential to hurt you the most." And it's true.
We were one of the fortunate newly-weds in that our first year wasn't full of huge misunderstandings and mis-communications. We dated for a year and a half before we got engaged and a year of that time we were 1000 miles apart. After a 4 month engagement, we were married.
When our marriage hit its hardest times was when we were smack in the middle of having babies. 4 children in 6 1/2 years to be exact. I still am a big fan of having your kids close together, but it takes a toll on your marriage. We got lost somewhere in the middle of it all.
One day, soon after our youngest was born, we realized that if we didn't start putting a lot more into our marriage, it would soon fall into the big heap of mediocre marriages. The following days I remember vividly....we cried many tears, we prayed, we talked and talked and talked some more.....and we struggled through that yucky season of our lives.
What came out of that was beautiful. Our trust, though slow in coming, was stronger than ever before. We looked at each other again with stars in our eyes. We got our love back, so to speak.
Our marriage has gone through many rough spots since that time. I would be lying to tell you that it has been easy. Just this past year we have walked some deep waters, and in times like that, it is really easy to focus on the hard stuff, and let other very important things fade into the background.
Do we have any tried and true secrets to share? Not really, but there are several things that really stand out in our story personally.
Several years back, Leon began a journey of growing in his relationship with Jesus like never before. The first thing I noticed, after him poring over his Bible and talking about Jesus all the time, was the way he started treating me. He's always been a kind and loving husband, but this falling in love with Jesus thing took our relationship to a whole new level.
Just this summer, I felt like we misunderstood each other all the time. There were times when it honestly felt like we were speaking different languages. One day when I was feeling especially frustrated, I realized that Leon is not the enemy. He's not the problem, really. Satan has been trying to wreck marriages since, well, since Adam and Eve, and he's done a pretty good job of it. After that realization, I began to do battle for my marriage- to fight against Satan. It made a huge difference.
You've heard this 100's of times, I know, but it cannot be over-emphasized. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a good marriage! Our kids know that we are crazy about each other and at least one of them has starting rolling his eyes at us, while the others yell things like, "Kiss, kiss!" or "Dip her!"
Just recently I heard of another failed marriage of an acquaintance of mine, and my heart broke just a little more. But what grieves the heart of Jesus more? A divorce, or an un-loving marriage that does not exemplify Jesus?
I am passionate about good marriages that glorify Jesus! I pray that we as Christians would not settle for an average marriage, but that our marriages would truly be a beautiful picture of Jesus and His Bride.
(Just us- celebrating 15 years!)
I love to go on walks. My favorite time to walk is either before breakfast or after supper. If I go after supper, well, there are 2 young ladies that beg to go along. And what kind of heart-less mother would say no to that?
But you see, I love to walk ALONE. Just me and God. I can think in silence, pray without interruptions, and hear from God.
Since we home school, I rarely get a moment alone. So I like to think that I NEED these walks, maybe even deserve them.
I must admit, I seldom actually say NO to my walking buddies. I try to remind myself that some day I will wish for my chatty little walking buddies. I remind myself that walking buddies now=walking buddies later. Taking time to build our friendship now will hopefully pay off later.
Tonight after supper I said, "Who wants to go on a walk with me?" The girls both yelled, "I do!" We headed down the road. I heard them talk about many things. We said "Hi" to the neighbor's horses and talked about what kind of horse they are. We talked about our dog and how he loves to run with us when we go walking. We talked about many other things. Nothing heavy, nothing spiritual. Just us 3, spending time together.
As we were walking in the lane, I thought, you know, maybe I did hear from God tonight on my walk after all.
I heard Him in my daughter's giggle, I saw Him in the beauty of nature, in my daughter's smile, I felt Him remind me to slow down and enjoy TODAY.
It was a good walk. I even felt refreshed in my spirit.
I feel dangerous tonight...like maybe I shouldn't be left alone.
Don't call 911 just yet. Let me explain.
Several days ago I blogged. Before I hit publish, I had my husband proof read it. He said it was too, umm, what was the word, raw? I am grateful for his wisdom. It now sits neatly in my Drafts. Maybe you'll see it someday, maybe you won't.
My mind has truly been a whirlwind lately. Sometimes the best way for me to clear my mind is to write.
Recently I explained to my teenage son the way a woman's brain functions versus a man's brain. He thought it was funny. Sometimes my husband finds it funny too; other times it can just be really frustrating.
So let's see, just this week alone, I contemplated the exciting and scary adventure called high school that awaits us just around the corner, I counseled my daughter on the importance of taking your anger to Jesus instead of taking it out on others, I advised my son that if he teased his sisters one more time, well, he didn't even want to imagine what the consequence would be, I explained to a struggling child how I understand the stage of these tough growing up years and how the most important thing to remember is that God loves you and Mom and Dad love you, I banned the use of electronics for an entire 3 hour block, I sent the second grader to the principal's office, (only to hear her sister say, "I would do ANYTHING to get sent to the principal!) and I taught my son, who's as big as me, how to fold a blanket.
I reminded my children to empty the dishwasher, burn the trash, MAKE THE BED, put away their shoes, stop teasing each other, stop laughing at her, and just STOP looking at her altogether!
I messed up more times than I can count, felt like I deserved the Bad Parent Award and have perhaps messed up my children enough to make a counselor cry.
But my mind is still a whirlwind and sometimes I just want to.stop.thinking.
If I had a "man-brain", could I just shut all the boxes and think "nothing"?! I know someone like that. :) I envy him.
I want to be a prayer warrior, an encouraging friend, and able to speak truth in love to those around me. I want to be sensitive to other's needs, and sensitive to the Holy Spirit's nudge to be obedient to whatever He asks me to do.
I want to love people like Jesus loves people. I want to be that listening ear, trusted friend, that many long to have.
But this week, I've struggled to just be.
And once again, God has gently reminded me that it's okay to 'take a break' because of our own pain. It's okay to sit back and let someone else do the loving, the encouraging, even the praying, for a time.
I want to just lean in hard on Jesus, and He will gently heal the hurt. I know He will. And someday I'll look back on this season of my life, and I'll remember the pain. I'll also remember the promise, and the Hands that never let go.
I read something this week in Jesus Calling that I just had to highlight:
"I did not design the human mind to try to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes, and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace."
And so tonight, I will sleep peacefully in the arms of My Abba Father.
Yep, my kids are funny. Very, very funny. Sometimes I write down the funny things they say, but sadly, there's a lot that we forget. Here's a combination of funnies from our house:
Me: What do you think is the best part of being a Mom?
Brooke: Having Mother's Day.
Annika: Taking care of your kids.
Jamie: Watching your kids improve in school.
Logan: Sampling the food.
While doing Math in school, I said to Brooke: "We need 6 kitties, but we only have 1. How many more do we need?" Brooke replied: "A lot!"
Logan said to me several weeks ago: "Mom, you could relieve a lot of stress if you'd just watch Andy Griffith."
Me to a nameless child: "Why did you pinch her?"
Child: "Well, she needs to learn to return good for evil."
Another nameless child, at the supper table, discussing plans for a Cops & Robbers sort of game: "You be the sheriff, I'll be the hypocrite." (criminal)
Brooke, while helping me make whoopie pies one afternoon: "Mom, it sure takes a long time to make whoopie cushions!"
Another one from Brooke: "What are you guys secreting about?"
Brooke: "Mom, where did you get your funnies?"
Me: "I was born that way, I guess. Where did you get yours?"
Brooke: "From Dad."
