Building Faith In Our Children

{Last February I was asked to share at our local MOPS on this subject. Today I'm blogging some of those thoughts.This is geared towards moms of young children}

Some years ago, my husband and I made some decisions for our family that were met with a lot of resistance from some people. I heard over and over again about the dangerous path we were on and what it would do to our family. Doubt and fear crept in and I cried out to God repeatedly to show us if we were making a mistake. You know you hear from God on a matter, but sometimes you start to question, especially if it calls you out from the comfortable, and soon, you are starting to wonder if you heard right. This was the case.

We were in the middle of harvest, and I have such a love/hate relationship with that season already. I was coming through the harvest widow experience and putting the kid's to bed alone AGAIN. They are all settled. Deep sigh. Then I heard my son come down the stairs, and he was crying. I was privileged to lead him to Jesus that night.

That experience came on the heels of my crying out to God and it was such a huge confirmation that we were following God and that He would lead and direct our children.

I do not have a formula for building faith in our children. In fact, I would throw away the formulas if I had them. There is not a list of 'Do's' and 'Don'ts' out there that guarantees Godly children. There are basic principles of course, but unless the Holy Spirit does an on-going work in my life and the lives of my children, there is no hope for any of us.

We can't build something in our children that we don't possess ourselves.

We start with the basics:

-get time alone with God
This is very difficult if you have young children, I know. Sometimes it means taking a long hot shower while your husband is with the children. Or maybe a walk without any kids to clear your head and talk to Jesus. I love to grocery shop alone, (now that my children are older, and they prefer to stay at home) and I have had many a mighty 'church' service on my way to Aldi.

-read good books
I know, even reading a book other than Clifford, the Big Red Dog or Are You My Mother sounds completely foreign to you. but if you are a reader, and if you're not, :) I encourage you to read good books. I love books that make me think, books that I can take a bite at a time and then not pick it up again for several days or weeks.

-find mentors or people who will encourage you
This is one that I wish with all my heart I would have done when I had 4 kids ages 6 and under. Don't try to swim alone. There are sharks out there and they are out to get you. After my youngest was born, I suffered with a mild case of depression. I was extremely overwhelmed with 4 young children, we had just started home schooling and were misunderstood by many people, and we were struggling with some personal issues. Someone to text for prayer or to pour my heart out to would have been so valuable.


We build faith in our children by growing our own faith.

You can:
-read Scripture to your baby
-require your 4 year old to memorize Ps.23
-pay your 8 year old to read through the Bible
-push your 12 year old to witness to his friends at school like your friend's 12 year old does

But you can't make them desire a relationship with Jesus.

Recently I read the story of Hannah and Samuel. Samuel was 3-4 years old when he moved in with Eli. Hannah only saw him once a year after that. Hannah had to be disciplined and intentional with her time with Samuel. She had other responsibilities too. He wasn't her only child.

So when do we teach our children about Jesus?
Duet. 6:4-9 says "Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

When we go throughout our day, we talk about God. We ask questions to make them think. "Who painted the sunset? Who made the baby kittens?" We tell them about God, His unconditional love for us, our unique fingerprints, and the way He desires to have a relationship with us. We tell our children why God created us.

Our children' desire for a relationship with God comes from a heart willing to answer the call and work of the Holy Spirit in their lives.

Make your home an environment that feels safe and normal to talk about God.

When God answers a prayer for you, tell your children. Our children's faith grows when they see ours growing.

Some of our favorite tools for acquainting our children with Jesus were:

-Steve Green's "Hide 'em in your Heart" DVD's or CD's
-Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Bible Storybooks
-Our Story Hour Bible story CD's

Some other things we've done around here were to write Scripture on the bathroom mirror, record Scripture on cassette, (this is excellent for the child who struggles with memorization!) and have a family time to memorize together.

Finally, to build faith in our children, we must surrender the outcome to God.

Dannah Gresh says, "If you do not have an on-going conversation with the Holy Spirit about raising your children to be set apart in this corrupt culture, you will become a paranoid parent whose legalism does not allow her children to slay the 'Goliath's' God means for them to face."

Jesus Is Peace

When I've cried all my tears, You see and tell me You  put them in a bottle. (Ps. 56:8)

When I think this is the end of the story, You remind me that at the end of Your story there is a happy ending.

When I wonder who's winning around here, You say You already won the victory.

When I want to give up, You say "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

When I am without hope, You remind me of the cross that fateful night You hung there.

When I want the pain to stop, You remind me that I wasn't created for here, but for THERE.

When I wonder how to pray, You show me verses like Romans 8:26 and tell me that You will intercede  for me.

When the hurt is deep, You remind me of the pain You suffered on the cross for me.

When I long to see You work in people's hearts, You say I need to let You work in my heart.

When I long for more of You, You come, but now how I expect You to.

When I lift my eyes, I see you there, in the midst of all my confusion, holding tight to me.

When I can't sleep at night, You hold me tight, like a Daddy, and rock me to sleep, and I wake up refreshed.

When I fret about the future, You tell me to rest in Your plans.

All you ask of me is to keep on breathing-

to live out Christ in me-

loving and speaking life into the precious people You place in my path-

that's all.

You'll take care of the rest.

Thank-You, Jesus.

This is where peace is found.

Celebrating My Daughters

We survived another round of the September birthdays here at our house, and I really had to stop and reflect on how quickly these two little ladies are growing up. They bring a ton of joy to our home! They bring laughter and drama and questions and creativity  and beauty and sweet notes and bad attitudes and tight hugs and talks about Jesus.

I am just so blessed to be the mom to these two beautiful young ladies!

We celebrated with Grandpa and Grandma Stutzman and Grandma Bontrager here at our house for a meal that the girls planned. I wasn't sure if they would agree on a menu, but finally, it all fell into place. Apple Pie for Brooke and Key Lime Pie for Annika.

 Brooklyn's birthday came first, so her and I headed to the Coffee Shop to enjoy some drinks and I read Stuart Little to her. It was pretty special to spend time together- just us!

A week later, I did the same thing with Annika. We drank frappe's and played Battleship and Mastermind.

Leon and I took the kids mini-golfing and to Ryan's later to celebrate the girls' birthdays. It was a really fun evening for our family.

Five Fun Facts About Brooklyn-

1. She loves the color purple.
2. She is very social but also loves her quiet time.
3. She absolutely loves to play Lion & Monkey with her Dad. (He is the Lion and she is the Monkey and he pretends to eat her.)
4. She is learning to read this year and doing a fantastic job.
5. She loves to play Polly Pockets.

Happy 6th birthday, Brooke!

Five Fun Facts About Annika-

1. She loves horses, kittens, puppies, any animal, actually!
2. She loves to help Dad in the barn and dreams of being a veterinarian some day.
3. She loves pretty clothes and dressing up.
4. She's crazy over Key Lime pie.
5. She can clean the bathroom almost as good as her Mom can.

Happy 8th birthday, Annika!

Dear Mommy of Little Ones

I watch you as you rejoice over another new baby joining your family. And I remember.....

Motherhood is by far the most difficult task you will ever attempt. It will stretch you, exhaust you, and hopefully bring you more joy than you ever thought possible.

Your days are full, your nights are short, your house is never in the condition you'd like, and for pity sake, could you please just be allowed to go to the bathroom by yourself?! You are so tired of reading that certain Thomas the Tank Engine book, and completely exhausted with that child who wakes up grouchy every single day, and feel all kinds of 'mommy guilt' for not wanting to spend another day in the house with all these sweet but needy children.

People tell you your child acts up because she needs more individual attention, and your husband and you haven't been on a date in months, (come to think of it, you haven't even finished your sentences to each other in that long, either!) and the baby just takes 20 minute cat naps during the day.

Can I ask you to just stop and find a minute or 2 or 20, maybe while your husband is watching your babies, and cry out to Jesus? He loves mommy's so much and cares deeply for them. Think about all those big things you wanted to do with your life. You are doing that and more as you get to spend every day influencing, teaching and training these precious little people. Determine to stop doing this on your own. Train yourself to cry out to Him for help. My sister used to holler out, "Help us, Jesus" when she was in the thick of it with her little people. (She had 3 in about 3 and a half years.) I thought it was cute until I became a mom, then I realized that she had something I wanted.

I don't want you just to survive, I want you to thrive. I want you to love being a Mommy. I want your children to grow up and remember that mom played games with them, colored with them, taught them how to wash dishes, (or just make a mess in the kitchen) and ran races with them. I want you to experience the fun and joy of motherhood.

Maybe the housework has you completely exhausted. Have a cleaning plan. It can be as simple as clean toilets on Monday, sweep floors on Tuesday, dust on Wednesday, etc. Put it into do-able portions. and teach your children to help. A 3 year old can fling a dust rag. (I know, I know, it's not going to be done right. but you will reap the benefits someday soon if you teach your children to work at an early age, before they are truly help.)

Make a simple plan for meals. You don't have to cook a 3 course meal like your Mom did. Jelly bread makes a fantastic dessert. Make double portions and freeze the extra. And don't go grocery shopping all the time. It's exhausting and un-necessary if you plan ahead.

Stop comparing yourself to the lady down the road who has 4 littles like you and sews all their own clothes and cans oodles of stuff from her garden every spring. That's not you and it's okay.

Find a mentor, someone who can pray for you at a moment's notice, someone you can pour out your heart to, and not feel judgement, someone who cares enough to gently tell you if you're getting something wrong.

And please, please don't go to bed every night with that monster of guilt hanging over you of all the things you did wrong that day. You will wake up the next morning with the same monster and he'll be hanging around your neck before you know it. God delights in you, and even when you mess up, He looks at you and smiles, because He created you and thinks you are pretty amazing.

Now go hug your kids, look them in the eyes, and tell them you love them. Because you know you really do.

 I've discovered that this act of mothering

 is my worship to Him right now.

dying to self & delighting in them

there is failure

oh yes, it is messy and sloppy sometimes

yet forgiveness

and grace

and growing.

  -Lovelyn Palm

Back In

So we're back in the saddle, so to speak. We started school this morning. The children were so excited. I smile and enjoy their excitement. It's often short-lived.

I think it's going to be a very intense year. I have a child in 1st, 3rd, 6th, and 7th grades. They keep me hopping. Once again, we are trying a few new curriculum choices to find what suits our needs best. I used to judge people that didn't just stick with something, but then God gave me 4 children, each with different learning styles and abilities. The joke was on me. :) The longer I home school, the less I judge.

I had an Amish man ask me last week, in disbelief, why in the world I would home school our children. I smiled as I thought about what led us to our decision. It started out as convenience, something we'd try for a year. It turned into the perfect fit for our family. Here I am, 7 years later, and I can hardly believe it myself. Leon and I were one of those newly wed couples who said we would NEVER home school our children. God has a way of changing our hearts in His own good time.

Home school isn't always all it's cracked up to be. I really think my most intense struggle and times of feeling the greatest need was in the middle of teaching my children. There are days I just want to get away, be alone, but instead I trudge up those stairs to the school room. There are days when I say no to morning events just for ladies because I'm committed to my 'job'. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed because the day before was just so rotten.

Yes, it's cheaper to home school, you don't need school clothes or uniforms, you can work on snow days and get done quicker in the spring, you don't have to help with field trips and fund raisers, or pack those never ending lunches. But that's not why we home school. No way.

We home school simply because that is what God has called us to do for our family, at this time of our lives. I know that sounds over-spiritual, and you can take it or leave it, but it's the truth.

There are days when I want to hide and not let people know our choice of education based on the junk that is out there about home schooling. When leaders of the home school movement are found in sin and denial of that sin, and stories of abuse from home school families hit the news, I want to just scream, "No!"

When we take our eyes off the One who called us to this task, and make it our own thing done in our own way, independent of accountability and the leading of the Holy Spirit, we are headed into stormy waters.

So whatever method you choose to educate your children, be involved. Even more importantly, be intentional about your relationships with your children. Talk to them, face to face. Find out what's going on in their heart.

You can spend every day with your children and still be an absent parent.

Better than all the parenting books out there is this tidbit I received from a seasoned mother several years ago. When I asked her for advice she simply said, 'I just prayed my way through."

So here's to another year of 'praying my way through'. :)

The Things She Says

Her name is Brooklyn. She's almost 6. She's our youngest. Many days she asks, "Mom, what is there to do?" Another favorite line is, "Is there anything to eat?" and when I suggest something healthy, she says, "Um, is there anything else?"

Every day she makes me laugh. I only remember to write down a small fraction of her funnies.

Tonight in the bathroom at a fundraiser meal, after a very long time in there, (bathroom breaks are social events!) she looks up at me after watching the toilet flush, "Hey, Mom, do you know about evaporation? It scoops the water up and puts it in the air."

The other day we were driving somewhere and the song "We Believe" came on the radio. She pipes up from the back seat, "Mom, this song is SO addicting!" When I asked her if she even knew what that meant, she said , "Yes, it means it gets stuck in my head."

And she loves big words- you know, bigger than an average 5 year old vocabulary. "Mom, I need a suitable shirt for my bear."

Another one from tonight.....I commented that it sure smells like pigs around here. She replied, "But, Mom, that's the life you have to live on the farm. It's better than the smelly old city."

Recently, Annika asked me if I used to be Amish. Before I had the chance to answer, Brooke said, "No, she was a Bontrager!"

Jamison turns 11!

It was 31 days ago to be exact. We were in the midst of hosting the coolest cousins ever from South Carolina. We made cupcakes and served him breakfast in bed. We gave him presents. But we post-poned the official party and meal-of-choice until later. Much later.

He invited his best friend from church and his good friend from his basketball team. And of course, his brother, Logan.

It was a real boy party. Dirt, noise, sand, sleeping in a tent, eating food that Jamison requested, talking, football, laughs and playing in the old barn.

Jamison has grown up so much this past year. I still see the little boy, but a fine young man is peeking through, as well. 

Here are 11 fun facts about Jamison-

1. He loves, loves to read and is completely unaware of the rest of the world when he's into a good book.
2. He prefers pie over cake any day.
3. He is a perfectionist.
4. He is very skilled on his ripstick.
5. He makes his bed every morning.
6. He's on a 'pop fast' this year.
7. Little boys love when he plays with them.
8. He loves Math and Science and History.
9. He memorizes Scripture effortlessly.
10. He loves a good joke.
11. He is very competitive.

We are blessed to have him in our family!