Losing Brittany

This past week has seemed really long for me, but not nearly as long as it has seemed to my friends, Randy and Lavertta. Last Sunday morning, their 15 year old daughter Brittany, was in a car accident with her 2 cousins. A drunk driver hit them and Brittany was life flighted to the hospital, where she died soon afterward. The cousins were injured but not in serious condition.

As I wrestled with the whole situation, I kept thinking, This is not how it is supposed to end. We pour into our children's lives, praying that they will grow up to follow God and raise their own family some day. We smile at the thoughts of weddings and grand babies in the future. We never entertain the thought of burying them at the age of 15.

Ultimately, it didn't end there. We know that. What Satan intended for evil, God can use for good. Brittany is in Heaven with Jesus, and she won the final victory against Satan.

I grew up with Brittany's mom, and we spent a lot of time together in the youth group. I was in their wedding party 19 years ago. I can't tell you how much it hurt to see Vert go through this. I heard her say that if only one person comes to Jesus, Brittany's death will not be in vain. And then she added, "But oh! How are we going to let her go?"

How do you let your 15 year old daughter go? How do you watch your children go through the intense grief of losing their beloved sister? How do you send your children out the door to school for the first time without her? How do you get through walking past her room, or cleaning out her suitcase, or finding her things lying around the house? How do you watch her friends cope with the huge loss they are facing? How do you laugh and smile again? How do you celebrate Christmas? And how are you supposed to ever enjoy the Thanksgiving Holiday weekend again?

The funeral service was very meaningful. As we sang a song about God's Grace at the start of the service and I saw Brittany's dad raise his hands in worship to God, I completely lost it. A man who has lost so much, yet he is praising God in the midst of it all. This is not some superficial faith he's got. It's the real deal. God has carried the family through these past few days in nothing short of a miraculous way. The strength they portrayed  in the midst of their raw grief was not their own.

And now I'm home again. What effect does Brittany's death have on me?

Last week I struggled so much with being a Mom. It felt like I was impatient and frustrated all the time. It felt like the issues we were dealing with in our children were huge. I felt like I was in a huge battle and I was handling everything all wrong.

Brittany's death has been a huge reminder for me to enjoy today, now, with my children. I've been reminded to focus on what's going on in their hearts instead of the outward actions I'm seeing. I've been challenged to say less and hug more.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.      Hebrews 12:1-2