My Title-less Post

So my title could be:

Stuff I've Learned in The Past Week
or
God Is Always Enough
or
Why Don't my Leaves Blow Away Before I Have To Rake Them?
or
I Love/Hate Harvest
or
Why Mom's Must Get Up Before Their Children
or
Just How Crazy is a Home School Mom
or
The Work It Takes To Run a House
or
Why Don't These Mice Change Their Address?
or
My Over-Due Brain Dump

but...
none of these titles seemed quite right so I crossed them off one by one and left my post title-less. Don't say you weren't warned.

This has been an incredibly beautiful fall with lovely weather. Leon has been busy harvesting. I am so tired of packing lunches. He says he's more tired of eating them. Is that even possible? He has never enjoyed sandwiches and altho' I think I've been pretty creative, he still prefers sitting down at the kitchen table for lunch. Here are some of this year's options: ham and cheese, ham wraps, burritos, grilled hamburgers, hot ham and cheese, quesadillas, philly cheese steak, and BLT's. Add some fresh from the garden peppers or radishes, chips, an apple, maybe a granola bar......and well, it's still a packed lunch. That's alright. I love my meat-and-potato-man.

I helped my mom with a group today again. It takes a lot of effort to race out the door before lunch and hope that my students can take their work along and finish it there. I love to help her, but I really love to stay at home. Today I mopped all her hardwood floors and cleaned her bathrooms. My girls love using her feather duster and dust mop. Annika asked her if she would pay them. I was horrified. I don't want my children to expect pay from Grandma for doing stuff for her, but she nearly always pays them something so I'm having a hard time getting this across. I discovered one son took his wallet along today so he would have a safe place for his money when Grandma pays him! HELP! But all that cleaning and working away makes me come home tired and not wanting to do even one thing in my own house. It's raining and so when my farmer husband came home, I said to him, "The kids are watching a movie, I'm exhausted, there's nothing made or planned for supper, and welcome home."  Yes, those were my exact words. Judge me, if you will. He said, "Why don't I run to town and get pizza for supper and pick up that contact solution that you need so desperately?" I couldn't say yes fast enough. This is very uncharacteristic of him, but I'm just lovin' it!

I let the girls pick out knit fabric at Jo-Ann's last week. Annika picked out a fruity/flowery summer print. Would you or would you not make this into a long sleeved winter dress? Sigh. She has her heart set on it so I'll probably go ahead. Note to self: Do not let girls pick fabric unless you are really going to be okay with whatever they choose.

We have a mouse problem in our house like never before. I hate mice! Leon uses the BB gun on them if they dare stick their heads out. So far, he's killed 2 that way and it's been mess-free. I won't mention how many he just gave a severe headache to in his quest to kill but not to splatter. All I can say is, if we have mice, we don't have snakes. Oh, old house, how I love thee!

I deep cleaned my house the middle of July. I had several young girls come and help me for a few days. That works best for this home school mama. But now it's starting to look and feel dirty again and everyone else is cleaning and I almost feel like I should clean again but I remind myself that it's all done already. You cannot make me feel guilty, you cobwebs in the corner.

We were commissioned last month as youth pastors. We are actually part of a youth pastor team. It's been quite a journey....God has an amazing way of working. I would never in my wildest imaginations have dreamt we would do something like this. But the way God leads doesn't always make sense. After the initial overwhelming feelings of this job being bigger than us, (which it is) and questioning our own capabilities, (still do) we are actually starting to enjoy this opportunity a lot. We are still getting to know the youth group which has it's pro's and con's. They are still getting to know us as well. But it feels so good to be used by God and to hear His voice. Unless you've walked with us through the past number of years, that may not make a lot of sense to you.

My oldest son cooked our evening meal  one night this week. His menu was: Little Cheddar Meat loaves, Baked Potato Slices, and Cheesy Green Beans. He labored long over that meal and totally regretted having chosen such a detailed menu. At the table he said, "Wow, Mom, I didn't know you have to work that hard to make a meal for us." I'm thinking, "And that wasn't even hard. That's why I have you cook, so you learn how AND so you appreciate what others do for you."

If I'm growing in my relationship with God, and feeling His presence in my life every day, not to mention having prayers answered in amazing{little}ways, then how come certain relationships are just plain hard? A lot of thoughts like these went through my head recently. And it seemed like I heard God say, "Do you think these things are too hard for Me? " And I felt chastised. Really, God wants to be involved with every detail of my life. He cares about my relationships even more than I do.

Surrender. Been thinking a lot about surrender. Giving up. Leaving my agenda for God's agenda. Not surrendering so I get what I want in the end. Total surrender. Ouch.

Could it be that when I am the most judgemental is when I am taking my eyes off of the Grace I've been given? I cannot give something I don't have.

This seems like enough of a brain dump for one day. Boy, do I feel better. Even if nobody reads this, I sat down and put some of my thoughts into sentences. That is therapy for me.