I've Been Thinking......

...about marriage.

 Marriage has been around for ages. Everywhere you look, you can see married folks. However, I have discovered it is much harder to find a GOOD marriage.

When Leon and I were dating, we'd love to watch people at restaurants. We watched how they would talk to each other, how they would look at each other, and then we'd try to guess if they were dating or married, and for how long. Of course, we never knew if we were right but it was fun to observe. 

After we got married, and started having children, I used to wonder, on those rare dates out,  if anyone was watching us. There were times when it was such a relief to be alone and my Mommy-brain completely froze over and I just wanted to be quiet and enjoy the delicious food that I didn't have to cook. I was pretty sure we didn't look like the starry-eyed couple that was forever in love. But I didn't really care, because I knew the man across the table from me was still crazy about me and this stage couldn't last forever.

Anyone can get married, and have an average marriage. But let's not settle for average! God has so much more for us than mediocre.

I find it interesting that Jesus set up marriage as the very best example of Christ and His Bride, yet so many Christians have a marriage that is anything but an example of that relationship.

Trust me-I know a good marriage takes work. We just celebrated 15 years of marriage in August, and these 15 years have not been a walk in the park. Leon often says, 'The person you love the most also has the potential to hurt you the most." And it's true. 

We were one of the fortunate newly-weds in that our first year wasn't full of huge misunderstandings and mis-communications. We dated for a year and a half before we got engaged and a year of that time we were 1000 miles apart. After a 4 month engagement, we were married. 

When our marriage hit its hardest times was when we were smack in the middle of having babies. 4 children in 6 1/2 years to be exact. I still am a big fan of having your kids close together, but it takes a toll on your marriage. We got lost somewhere in the middle of it all. 

One day, soon after our youngest was born, we realized that if we didn't start putting a lot more into our marriage, it would soon fall into the big heap of mediocre marriages. The following days I remember vividly....we cried many tears, we prayed, we talked and talked and talked some more.....and we struggled through that yucky season of our lives. 

What came out of that was beautiful. Our trust, though slow in coming, was stronger than ever before. We looked at each other again with stars in our eyes. We got our love back, so to speak.

Our marriage has gone through many rough spots since that time. I would be lying to tell you that it has been easy. Just this past year we have walked some deep waters, and in times like that, it is really easy to focus on the hard stuff, and let other very important things fade into the background.

Do we have any tried and true secrets to share? Not really, but there are several things that really stand out in our story personally. 

Several years back, Leon began a journey of growing in his relationship with Jesus like never before. The first thing I noticed, after him poring over his Bible and talking about Jesus all the time,  was the way he started treating me. He's always been a kind and loving husband, but this falling in love with Jesus thing took our relationship to a whole new level.

Just this summer, I felt like we misunderstood each other all the time. There were times when it honestly felt like we were speaking different languages. One day when I was feeling especially frustrated, I realized that Leon is not the enemy. He's not the problem, really. Satan has been trying to wreck marriages since, well, since Adam and Eve, and he's done a pretty good job of it. After that realization, I began to do battle for my marriage- to fight against Satan. It made a huge difference.

You've heard this 100's of times, I know, but it cannot be over-emphasized. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a good marriage! Our kids know that we are crazy about each other and at least one of them has starting rolling his eyes at us, while the others yell things like, "Kiss, kiss!" or "Dip her!" 

Just recently I heard of another failed marriage of an acquaintance of mine, and my heart broke just a little more. But what grieves the heart of Jesus more? A divorce, or an un-loving marriage that does not exemplify Jesus?

I am passionate about good marriages that glorify Jesus! I pray that we as Christians would not settle for an average marriage, but that our marriages would truly be a beautiful picture of Jesus and His Bride.

                                            (Just us- celebrating 15 years!)